Computer crashed last week, lost files (will have an external drive set-up soon so that can't happen again!!!). Learning to use a new computer and re-create business folders, etc. Have a cough/congestion like I've never had before. The last time I was very sick was pneumonia almost 15 years ago. Discovered I become a whiner by the end of the day - poor Ralph. Have made a couple of trips to an ICU in the city to see a friend who will either be healed by a miracle of God or draw his last breath any day. That brings with it a lot of ministry opportunity with his family and girlfriend. Am grateful for His grace in all of this. Kids will all be somewhere else for New Year's eve this year. I'm tired and think I will sleep the old year out and the New Year in....it can happen without me being awake. So, what have I learned in 2009? God can handle the affairs of the universe without me. I've resigned my Assistant to God title and am enjoying the severance package very much. I can rest and be content in the position of servant. The benefit package is just as good, maybe better, than trying to be Assistant anyway:). However, the next major lesson has been how to embrace what God has given us through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us and through us. We keep asking God for things He has already imparted to us - when are we going to use those gifts? Don't you find that with your children sometimes - "I showed you how to make good decisions, do laundry, stretch your dollar; when are you going to use what I've shown you?". To have the patience of our Heavenly Father.
Happy New Year to all. May 2010 bring enough to meet your needs and blessings unexpected.

To Do List

To Do List:
Be quiet with Him.
sort thru medical paperwork
type up invoices
make bank deposit
move food from garage frig to kitchen frig
Do you know what the Italian word for refrigerator is?
Icaboxa.
Take Dawn to the Food Pantry
Take Dawn to Walmart to buy her vacuum from the church
Buy my own groceries while at Walmart
Dinner???
Put up the Christmas tree - can't even think of other decorations right now.
Wrap presents.
buy more presents
Christmas cards - scratch that - it will be a New Year's letter at this point
Help a family move from up north somewhere to H'v
Go to a Christmas party
Be quiet with Him
And if you just read all of this nonsense, I'm sorry. The only thing of value in any of it might have been doing something with my friend Dawn, a corny joke and the reminder that we all need quiet time with Him. Have some - now - sitting right where you are - be there long enough you "know in your knower" that He is there - then be confident that He will be wherever you are going next. If I didn't know that, I'd curl up and quit.

No Difference

Nothing to say that makes a difference.

Not all is Lost

Not because I think anyone out there in blog world has been worried about the photo album I couldn't find, or looking for my mislocated MP3 cord or has been concerned for my inability to 'be still' but here's the latest news. The photo album appeared in the very spot I had looked previously. I opened an email from Amazon and there were accessories for MP3s that included exactly what I needed (on order to be delivered soon!) and for the quiet mind, well, there's still a lot of chaos in that small space but He is bringing order to it more each day and I know He is with me. I don't know what He will do with me but that's okay. I'm busy untying the knot in my tail from all the whirling and twirling I get myself into by not keeping my focus on Him. "He who is in me is bigger than he who is in the world!" Amen.

Stop. I want off.

I can't find the cord that plugs my MP3 player into the computer to charge it much less add new music to it. I have it (MP3) here by me to remind me that I would like to listen to the music captured within its tiny little black frame but NOOOOO, I can't find the cord that would allow me to do that.

I can't find my favorite Christmas present from last year. It is the album of pictures my children had taken including ones where they are wearing their Murphy Steak House t-shirts.

I can't find - or at least not for very long - the quiet place in my head that allows silence to speak. You know God often only talks in a whisper so you have to have some quiet to hear Him.

I can't like the phrase "I can't" so I will have to re-word the above 3 paragraphs.

I have yet to find the missing cord for my MP3 player. I'm looking for my favorite album. And I'm going into my closet to wait upon the quiet.

Now you have a wonderful day whatever that will look like for you. :)

That's not enough

I know my Savior and am assured of my salvation. That's not enough.
I'm reading His Word and treasure the instructions & promises. That's not enough.
I spend time with Him in prayer. That's not enough.
I want all of Him and for Him to have all of me.
That means laying down my agenda, my identity, my comfort.
That means embracing the gifts He desires to impart to me.
That means seeking Him with expectation.
To expect His presence.
And when it happens, that will be enough.
Until then I will wait in prayer and expectation.

Isaiah 64:1 Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains would tremble before you?

Okay, I came back to edit this post because I didn't want anyone to think I wasn't truly satisfied with salvation, His Word and my prayer life. It is simply that I want more. And I want to take that "more" to pour out onto others. I heard a man say he wanted the power of the Holy Spirit to 'leak' out of him onto others. {Allow me to digress a moment - as a women in the second half of life who has borne several children, I don't like the term 'leak' so I'm open to other suggestions.}

Pa Kettle: [filling in for the preacher] I don't know how to preach a sermon, I can't quote Scriptures, although I know all the words, I wouldn't know how to put them together, but I can speak from my heart. I can say how thankful I am that I have Ma and the kids, I'm thankful for the food we get nd the clothes we wear. A lot of folks are always asking God for something instead of being thankful for what they got. I figure if He wants you to have it, it'll come to you because you deserve it. He gave us the mountains, the trees, the water and the fertile land. Gave men the ability to make things and grow things. He put gold and silver, coal and oil under the ground, all man has to do is dig them up. Why I figure that He kind of wants you to help yourself a little, He don't want to do it all. If I found out right now there was oil under my land, would I be lazy? No sir, right away I'd get Geoduck and Crowbar to start digging an oil well. The whole world could be a better place to live in if everybody would do like I do. Every morning when I wake up I say "I thank you God, for letting me live to see another day" and at night when I go to lseep I say "Dear God, please let me live to see another tomorrow so I can prove to You that I can be a better man than I have been today." Amen.

The following was read at a family member's funeral recently. It is a quote from an Englishman, Dr. Alan Redpath, who was once an instructor for a distance cousin of mine at the Capenwray Bible School of England.

I had requested this quote from my cousin and she sent it today. I needed it today! God is good in so many ways:).

There is nothing—absolutely no circumstance, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him, and I accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, and I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is. That is the rest of victory.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Eph. 3 "working within us"

May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. "by the power of the Holy Spirit"

You will keep in perfect peace those who trust in You and who fix their thought on You. "trust and fix"

Scriptures come alive through a word or two, then the expanded meaning of the verse takes root giving strength or patience or shelter or whatever else is needed. How do people do it without the Holy Bible - God's only True Word?

I'm going to praise Him throughout this day - He knows my requests and I might repeat them - but today I want to love on Him and remember the character of who He is.

Empty...I can't figure out how this gauge works. Seems like I'm getting on down the road of life okay when suddenly, the tank is empty again. I've collected quite a few gas cans these last weeks with God's Truth in them (thank you, friends). Tonight though, tonight the gauge is stuck on empty.

Had a friend at church a couple of months ago come over to me to offer to pray with me as she sensed I might be angry at God. I wasn't. In fact, at the time I might have been frustrated with His timing but could see Him at work in many areas of our lives.

Tonight though, tonight I'm angry at God. I wouldn't allow myself that anger last night when Ralph told me my kitten was dead. I looked at the cat whose neck had been broken by our dog and could only think "seriously, God, are you kidding me?" This silly little creature was a comfort from my childhood. It was becoming more and more of a companion who recognized my voice and followed me around the house. And now Mo is no more. Seriously, God, it was such a small thing to let me have in the midst of the rest of life.

Don't mean to discount the support of friends and family and their prayers. But tonight, I'm not okay. I've waited and prayed for years that my son would be free from his rebellion toward authority, his anger, his resentment aimed at his parents for anything. His choosing others over his family. And now he has chosen to be a part of the LDS cult. And now he wants to be kind and loving toward me. And I don't know how to receive it because it is driven by a false teaching and deceptive spirit. I can't rejoice in the very thing I have wanted for these last years. I love him so much and am afraid for him. God, I don't understand how you want me to walk through this. I don't want to fail anymore and indeed I feel like a huge failure. I don't want to give the enemy a foothold into the rest of our lives. I don't want to drive our son further away from the truth. But mostly, tonight, I don't want to do this at all. I am tired of the deceiver coming after my children. It was hard enough the first time. Seriously, God, again?

I wanted a kitty. I don't want another one. I can't keep losing because my tank is empty and I don't even want to refill it tonight.

sorry for a pity post...realize there are many hurting in our circle of family and friends and I am being self-centered...my thought are not on God's truth but are angry at God...should be praising Him for all the goodness there is regardless of the depth of darkness...thank you, God for my husband and children...thank you for my killer dog...thank you my brother got to go home from the hospital...thank you for giving me a good's night sleep tonight (trying to be positive)

He is Yours, Almighty Lord. Take him to the place You need him to be. Mold him into the vessel You have designed him to be. The shape you form will be specially made for the gifts and blessings You plan to pour into him. I choose to have complete, relentless trust in the masterplan of the Master. I choose to sing hallelujah for whatever is ahead, knowing Your love is unfailing, You are holy and You are faithful to Your promises. I love you, Father God. I am waiting and praying and believing.

You said if I had faith, even as small as a mustard seed, I could move mountains. I do have faith. I know Your Word is true. I know You will fulfill Your promises. I may need a little extra dose or two or million of strength and patience. I am confident that if I ask what is pleasing to You, You will hear my prayers and will give what is asked. I BELIEVE.....and when I don't, help me with my unbelief.

His name was Mo

I wanted a cat. I had cats growing up. I would hold one close to tell it all the secrets of dreams and broken hearts a little girl could have. It was my friend when my brothers wouldn't play with me. Living in the country with no neighbors makes for a lonely childhood sometimes. Anyway, I wanted a cat again. I got a cat. I'm about to lose him. Kirby, the dog, and the cat just aren't making progress in getting along. And the cat, named Mo but hereon referred to only as cat, gets too wild when playing. I have plenty of scratches to show for it. And Jody is afraid of the small gray wild beast. Can't blame her too much. So with sadness of a broken heart of a not so little girl, I am returning the cat to his farm home. "Things" keep coming in and going out.

There's that feeling...part 2

There were times when I was growing up that my momma would say something about someone or some situation and I would think "aw, mom, what do you know". Amazingly though, many times her intuition or discernment would be pretty accurate. There are some times that I do the same thing now. It's like you "know in your knower" (our Pastor's phrase) what is true or not about a situation. The next part is even when you know what the truth is and it doesn't paint a pretty picture, realizing God can still take it and turn it into a masterpiece.

I realize we can do nothing apart from Christ. And I thought I had learned a lot about things being accomplished through the working of the Holy Spirit not by my efforts. Guess I still tie too much of myself to these 'things'. I honestly thought if I poured all my love onto my boys that it would make a difference. As my friend keeps saying "the book isn't finished yet" but at this point I'm beginning to realize my love isn't enough. That is a hard thing to grasp because even in my imperfections and temper, I thought I had so much love to give. It is only His love that can make a difference. I can try to demonstrate it though I probably don't do it very well. But love has to be received for it to have an impact.

So Ross has moved out. He didn't like something I said. I spoke what I feel to be true. I don't know what happens next. I love him more than he will ever understand or accept from me. This hurts. I didn't read this part in the baby book about raising children. I thought it only happened to bad mothers...hmmmm...guess my own judgment falls back on me.

So having Branden back with us this last week hasn't been easy. Struggled almost constantly to have a positive outlook. Knew if we continued down this road with him, there would be a lot of sacrifices made. Kept hoping he would demonstrate an attitude of repentance, a desire to work his way out of his mess and instead saw a sour attitude and more concern with how to make his work easier than to simply get his work (community service hours) done. Then tonight, he sent a text about a friend picking him up from his community service and I "knew in my knower" that he wasn't being honest. He came home and gave me his song and dance about why someone other than that friend brought him home. Silly boy. I called the friend we would have approved of him being with who said that he was just getting off work. So the lie was revealed. Bottom line, we have given him until tomorrow @11:00 to be out. He has a lot of legal issues to deal with, no safe environment to go to, no home open to him - unless someone in his cycle of people he has used before opens their door again. I can't see how this is going to work out for him but God can.

God is still Sovereign. In fact, He doesn't need me to accomplish any of His work. Let me out of the boat, Captain. I'll swim back to shore. (From a story a friend shared.)

There's that feeling...

How does it happen that you know there is something but you can't put your finger on it right away. All of yesterday while there was a lot of other stuff going on, I kept thinking there is something about today. Well, yes, it is Jonny's 20th birthday. But there is something else about today. I couldn't shake that feeling and chalked it up to other emotions running rampant, lack of sleep and chocolate. Today, suddenly today, I thought I remembered but I couldn't be for sure so I went to my drawer where I have some family papers. There it was. The envelope the funeral home puts together for family members. Also came across an envelope that contained a letter written from my dad the same year. I read the letter first. As I read it, I wondered if I had ever read it before because it all sounded like new stories. That is until I got to the part where he talked about meeting my mother for the first time. He had almost cut off his thumb that day - never did hear how that happened - and if he got out of line, my mom tweaked his thumb. He was a handsome charming cowboy that I'm sure was use to having his way...until he met my mom. Her name was Rowena. Not an easy name to say and daddy struggled for a long time to learn to say it correctly but he said it was worth learning. He said he would always look back on the good times and only remember those days with her. Said when his voice cracked when he talked of her it was because of the love and happiness he had with her. Remember this was a big tough guy but not when it came to his wife and children. After folding the letter away for safe keeping I turned to the other envelope to see that Yes, I remember now. The 13th is the day she died. I have the comfort of knowing she said the salvation prayer that afternoon from her hospital bed, gave up her fight to live and went to meet her Savior and her Heavenly Father. Her life was spent taking care of others from an early age and she worked hard for things to be just right. Finally, her hopes and efforts had been realized - not by her own doing other than the act of placing her trust in Jesus. And that was enough. So is there a word for that feeling that comes into our hearts reminding us of some person? I'm not sure but if there is, it's meaning probably comes from the root word LOVE.

Missing In Action

It's just this simple: There are people in my life that are "missing in action"...some are living their own lives with their own family in a state far away, some are no longer on this earth, some are going to fiddle contests and some are lost. That's all I had to say....

MAYBE... Maybe... we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one - so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. Maybe... when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, oftentimes we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us. Maybe... it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it; but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing, until it arrives. Maybe... the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Maybe . . . the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches. Maybe... you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do. Maybe... there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around, you appreciate them more. Maybe... the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. Maybe... you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too. Maybe.... you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone. Maybe... giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours. Maybe... happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives. Maybe... you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. Maybe... you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy! Maybe... you should try to live your life to the fullest, because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling; but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you crying.

okay i just had this thought....for the sake of unity i believe if we hang in there together long enough, the differences in our perspectives won't matter as long as Christ is the center...oh, yeah and that Truth reigns - that's important - more important than most realize....yesterday during worship my heart was broken for the lies and deceptions that I've seen all around me - the father of lies knows no boundaries, no age limits, believers and non-believers alike...then it was if God revealed to me that our lives are the testimonies to the only real TRUTH and that is how we combat the lies and deception....so i've been thinking on how that looks in everyday living...am i a testimony to His way, His truth, His love.... pastor talked about 4 foundations: Jesus, His Word, Family and Church.... i know of a faith that claims those same 4 foundations cloaking the TRUTH in false venacular..(word?)... sometimes I stomp my foot out of frustration coz I feel angry about this deception and as if my hands are tied....then I force myself back to His promises, His truth and His faithfulness...
I was on my way home from Dana's the other day and a little black puppy was trotting alongside the four lane road - no homes in sight. I wanted to stop. I wanted to rescue that dog even though I wasn't sure it needed rescuing. I was about to look to the side of the road to stop when I heard "you can't save every stray puppy".... my thoughts have been circling since...its not up to me to 'save' anyone or any puppy...but it is my responsibility to be obedient to whatever He asks of me...it just wasn't meant to be that puppy that day...

Maybe after this...

Is it not ridiculous how much of our lives we go through thinking "Maybe after this...." when we really don't have a clue what will happen after this? (I'm not talking about eternity here - that we know - at least in part and we will know in full at the right time.) I remember after having my first baby, I anticipated some changes but also expected some return to normalcy. After the second child, I began to see that normalcy is redefined every day. After the third child, I realized that normalcy is a fallacy anyway. Life is what it is and what you make of it for those 24 hours of that day.
So after this weekend trip to Nashville, what do I think will happen? First, I will be adapting to the changes in the family structure. Jody will be gone for the summer, Dana hopefully will be in OKC for her PT clinical rotation and I'll be okay with a house full of boys. Next I do so desperately hope to get my house clean and organized again. It is typical chaos that I've learned to tolerate but right now it is also dirty - and I mean "I'm ashamed of it" dirty. And finally, though there are lots of things that could be on the list, I want to sort through the papers and pictures from my dad's house (it's been 6 years) and give to my brothers the items that they would enjoy having. We sorted some of the pictures/papers when we cleaned the house out but some things need to be copied.
And most importantly on the "after this" radar....I know God has been leading me to something new, something deeper - outside of my world of normalcy and I want to embrace with confidence what it is and be found obedient in His eyes. I'm not sure of His timing or plan but I do know He is directing me toward more training for a purpose and I'm excited about that. This ole dog learns slow but I do still learn.
Off to pack the bags and pillow. I'm hoping to sleep my way to Nashville:)

Four+ Days Back at College

I hadn't planned on spending this week at MSU but then again as a mother, you don't always get to make plans. We got the phone call about 4 am Tuesday morning that Jody was in ER with great pain and throwing up. After calling the wonderful older sister and brother in-law to ask them if they would head on to the ER (I felt sorry for the roomie and best friend who had spent hours with her already) I packed a bag and headed south myself. By the time I got to the hospital, Dana had all under control. At one point, I laughed to myself "I'm only the mother" as I stood by while Dana and Brian took care of her. After finally receiving a second shot of a pain killer that truly worked, they told us she had a small kidney stone that should pass within 24-48 hours and sent us home.
The question was where to take her. She wasn't up to traveling very far so we ended up back in her dorm room where we have camped out since then waiting for that little stone to show itself in the strainer she has to carry everywhere. Still hasn't shown itself so we are assuming it hasn't passed. She is still sore and in pain some of the time. We saw a urologist Thursday morning who was worthless. The only useful information we gathered from him was that the tests showed there weren't any more stones in the kidney and he gave her a medicine that is suppose to help the stone pass (but in reading about it on the internet, it says not to give it to women or children....it is for prostrate problems....will give it a couple of days, I guess).
This morning I was awakened from my comfy bed, made from chair cushions, so we could journey to the crowded first floor of a boys wing because the tornado sirens were blaring. As I sat there telling myself that I wasn't claustrophobic and the loud, hyserical girl deserved to live, I thought "I went to college in Oklahoma, part of tornado alley, and never remember a tornado drill much less a real one." Thankfully we were only there about an hour. When we came back to the room (4th floor) it was almost frightening to watch the tree outside twist in the wind - it was a strong wind. And then it all passed by.
The next excitement was hearing that Dana & Brian had a flood in their basement from a small stream in their back yard that flowed up to their back door and filled their downstairs w/ 2" of water. And of course, they lost electricity. However, they had some amazing friends kick in big time and help move everything so nothing was lost in that aspect. The guy next door works for his family who cleans carpets so he immediately got the water extractor & started as soon as they got electricity. In remains to be seen what will happen to the carpet.
So today I packed part of Jo's room to take home with me tomorrow. She gave up her room to Branden so we will have to figure out where to store her stuff for the summer. She had planned on putting some of it at Dana and Brian's - having to re-think that plan.
Going to finish my college week by watching a movie. We tried to watch it last night but fell asleep. Oh, life is exciting...

Volcano - Mt. St. Debbie

Wow but after the laughter wears you out, the insides start churning with the threat of becoming a volcano and spewing over the next person in your path........doesn't that sound so dramatic??? I'm still being funny here. I'm wishing people could just do what they need to do in the first place but our Pastor said just yesterday, "There's no shortcuts." I hope he realizes that wasn't encouraging but then again, those instances where people do a 180 seem often to be able to do another 180 back in the wrong direction just as quick. Those whose steps slowly turn closer and closer to the true path for them, seem to have a better long term bearing on where they are going. Poo, I don't know anything. I'm just trying to be grateful Branden is home and we can use his trials to motivate him to a new way of living. teehee...I just said "trials"...actually they are only court dates....one for 'causing alarm' which is a catch-all for 'we don't know what you were really up to but we are watching you' and the other is for missing his probation appointments for his driving violations. He went to work today - that is good. Gotta keep up counting the good and hoping for more of it.

My wonderful husband helped me dig rocks out of this flower bed that I'm trying an extreme makover on. I'm not sure he is moving well today. He moaned and groaned...while digging out the rocks....bet he's still moaning and groaning when he gets home today. Think I'll make him something nice for dinner....hmmmm, better go see what's possible....

Loving the laughter

You have to love laughter. It is a condiment to many emotions. You are happy - you laugh. You are scared - you laugh (Dana drops to the floor first, then laughs.) You are riding in the family car going to the graveyard - you find something to make you laugh (or maybe our family is really, really strange but it happened at my mom's funeral). You are nervous - here comes the giggle. You are completely befuddled - you laugh as you give it up. Ralph and I have been laughing these last 18 hours as we find ourselves dealing with another chapter of what was to be our empty nest beginning. "Lord, what do You have us doing?" We didn't know we'd be learning new legal terms - didn't know how large our sphere of influence would get when we welcomed Branden back to our home. To be honest if we knew all that is ahead, would we have opened our door. Yes, I think we would have in this case but there is a part of me that believes God shelters us from knowing too much sometimes so we will simply trust Him and be obedient in the moment. We have been meeting some of Branden's friends. He is in a holding cell right now with one of those friends. We are communicating with another of his friends to get more of the story. As crazy, and believe me I know it is CRAZY, as it is, we are making connections with these friends for a reason we don't pretend to understand. Who is to say if God is giving opportunity for these young adults to have an older adult treat them with respect in the midst of their poor decision making and lifestyles. For Peter's sake, we don't think we are Mother Teresa here, but something is going on bigger than us. We want to be His love drawing the hurt, lost and even rebellious to a loving relationship with the only One who can complete their lives. ....okay, so you aren't left hanging...we aren't sure what the outcome will be for Branden's situation. They have 24 hours to charge him or release him. He was in the wrong place with the wrong person and is being held on "probably cause". He also didn't make his last appointment with his probation officer so that could cost him some jail time. And as crazy as this sounds, we are glad for this turn of events (though we hope he is released!) because we can now say "you've tried it your way - how's that working for you?" and then lay out some expectations he will have to agree to because he had his chance and blew it.
I doubt that many read my blog that don't know us fairly well so I hope it is okay that we ask you to pray for us as we try to hear what God wants us to do with this opportunity. Pray for a brokeness in Branden that would cause him to hunger for more of the Lord (he has said the salvation prayer but I don't know that he understands the significance - has dodged discipling so far - still don't think we can force that on him so am praying he hungers for it. Pray for Ralph and I to be in unity on the decisions and actions we take. Pray for our other children that they agree with the risks we are taking and aren't harmed by it.
Laughter...couldn't exist without it!

Plagarism....again

Tags» Brewer Wilson, hope, Mark Batterson, Wild Goose Chase

Do you sometimes read something and think you just have to share it? This is from Pete Wilson's blog Without Wax....again...not trying to elevate the guy but he has simply had some words that cause me to ponder (as Pammie would say:)). At least I give credit to him and hope it's okay to cut and paste from his blog. Someone will have to tell me if I'm doing a no-no. The truth of the matter, I keep finding myself frustrated with the way things work sometimes (and since He is sovereign, things really mean 'the way He works' sometimes.) I find myself in this lurching motion - forward (pause), lean back, lurch forward (pause)(PAUSE), yellow light, green light, red light....I'm getting motion sickness....so the following excerpt gives me reason to hope and allow Him to continue doing what He does best...everything! The following is from Pete:

In John 11 we discovered TRUE HOPE DEVELOPS WHEN YOU ACCEPT GOD’S POWER AND TIMING. Most of the time we want his power, we want his strength, but we don’t want his calendar.

I love what Mark Batterson said about this in Wild Goose Chase…

“I tend to live the way I drive. I want to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time and by the easiest route possible. But I’ve come to realize that getting where God wants me to go isn’t nearly as important as becoming who God wants me to be in the process. And God seems to be far less concerned with where I’m going than with who I’m becoming.

The friction for many of us comes in that we’re a lot more concerned with where we are going and what we’re accomplishing than who we’re becoming. We’ve got it opposite and it drives a barrier into the work God is trying to do in us.

Maybe it was too much physical work and now exhaustion. Maybe it was too much sugar and now sugar crash. Maybe it was too much expectation and now hurt feelings. Maybe this is just life in a fallen world. Maybe I'll go back to bed and get more sleep. I need my rest so when the rain stops and it drys out a little I can go back to finish digging out the yucca plants. I will conquer those plants once and for all!!! Eventually I will have a pretty flower bed by the driveway.....eventually.

Plegarism

Jesus always chose to see people for who they could be rather than who they were in that very moment.

The above quote is from a blog Without Wax by Pete Wilson.

You can work miracles by having faith in others. To get the best out of people, choose to think and believe the best about them.

The above quote is on a purple piece of paper in front of me at my computer. I don't remember where I 'borrowed' it from.

I sometimes wonder if I ever have an original thought that is worth cut & pasting somewhere. I won't fret about it though. I figure the Creator of the Universe gets credit for it all anyway:).

Who else has seen a quote lately that causes them to ponder?

Easter?

I just can't get my head wrapped around that Easter is this weekend. I feel guilty for not being 'ready', almost feel disconnected. I don't feel disconnected from God but from the calendar. Could someone give me a couple more weeks, please? I don't want to have the wrong mindset going into the greatest celebration we have as Christians. This weekend is about Jesus' resurrection, not about dinner, candy, eggs, bunnies or decorations - good thing coz I don't have any of that figured out. Not interested in the traditional Easter dinner. Have not decided what I'm going to fix yet. Might be enchiladas - just kidding - maybe liver and onions - ok, kidding again. I just don't know and it is stresses me a little. Oh, my. I just thought to myself, you need to read the scriptures about His final days to prepare your heart for this season and I realized I don't want to hear about how we disappointed Him and so many missed Him and to be reminded His suffering....I think I'm in an avoidance mode. Hmmmmm.....anyone else feeling discumberated??? Hope I'm alone in this coz it just doesn't feel good.

He's Still In There

The little boy that wants to be accepted and have a place in your heart is still in there - inside of Branden - under some layers of cold world independence - but we saw it the other night when we had a talk about his change in lifestyle since he received his first paycheck. I don't want to play on his need to be accepted as a way to manipulate him into making good decisions. I want him to know the complete acceptance of his Savior, Jesus. I want him to desire to know Him more and to understand what a blessing it is to become more and more like Him. Anyway, the overall report of our talk is that it went well. We had hoped he would agree to attend a program at church that is called Celebrate Recovery - it deals with hurts, healing and habits. He's not there yet but the seed has been planted. And mostly I hope and believe that he heard that we love him and will be here for the long haul as he makes decisions and progress toward an independent future.
So this morning I get a text from him - I still smile when I think of it - saying this morning a driver picked him to work the route with - if you aren't picked then the boss assigns you to someone. It was as if I just heard from my little boy that someone picked him for their dodgeball team at recess. He received recognition for his work and that was so good for him. He said this is the first real job he's had since he sold cars out of high school - that only lasted a few months. Can you imagine - that was 10 years ago.
To my wonderful daughters who read my post and to my fantastic youngest son who probably doesn't, thank you for understanding and allowing your dad and I to invest this time and energy into Branden. You know he has always had a place in our hearts and we are thrilled to have this opportunity to help him get on the right path in life. Having him with us may consume some of our energy and focus but it in no way diminishes our love and pleasure we find in each of you. God has expanded 'our territory' (that prayer of Jabez is dangerous:)) and He has expanded our ability to love even more. To my dear friends who read my rambling, thank you for the prayers that are so necessary as we move forward trusting God to reveal what is next.
It may be a rainy, cold day but my heart is warm and full today.
Oh, when talking to Dana the other day, she was talking about someone who always whined about something and I thought of this clever saying: "Why don't you go back to your kitchen cabinet and find a glass that is half-full. The half-empty one you are carrying is stealing your joy." Okay, I thought it was clever anyway :).

I Want Love To Be Enough

(So this post isn't cryptic, which can be irritating!, I'll state upfront that it is about having Branden with us and the questions of what's next and how do we handle so much unknown....)

When you read the story of the Prodigal Son returning home, you witness the love of his Father welcoming him with open arms and having a celebration party in his honor. It's what you don't read that I want to know more about. How do you process through the years (or however long) of a different lifestyle, different expectations, different habits, differentness to then understand what the outlook for the future is? What did the son expect, desire, when he returned? Was he able to look at his life 10 years down the road or had he been existing in the muck day by day for survival so long that he didn't know how to look forward anymore. It would be nice to believe that the father's love would be enough to overcome whatever baggage came home with the son. And I know the Heavenly Father's love is enough....what I fear is that my love isn't enough. Breathe deep, Deb. It isn't about me. I will sacrifice, I will hurt, I will deal with my own fear and defeat. I will....remember that He is "I Am".
Truthfully I wanted this to be easy!!! I wanted my love to be enough. While it hasn't been hard so far, it is facing changes. Amazing what a paycheck can do to a person's behavior. Old networks are being re-established - is that good or bad? Don't know for sure yet. Am trying to not speak negative to his decisions or behaviors but I'm not naive of his past and know the strong pull the enemy has on him. If President Obama had a 'bail out' plan for parents of prodigals, I'd consider the deal right now. I'm having to take serious measure of the potential cost and I'm finding myself feeling pretty selfish and wanting to protect myself from the heart break. Enough of that! Instead of that kind of talk, let me simply ask you to pray for wisdom for us, protection over all, God to show Himself to Branden in a way that draws him into the light and out of the darkness, and that we will have a celebration again and again over a life changed - radically - for Jesus.
..."For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2Cor. 12:10

5 am - who knew?

I think God is funny in how he works us....I've never liked early mornings! Well, the few times I did get up early I thought "this is a cool time of the day" but was pretty sure it would lose its coolness if I did it all the time. So what does life look like for Ralph and I these days? One of us is getting up at 5:10 to take Branden to work. Yes, he now has a full time job with the trash company. I have new appreciation for those men who pick up our trash. It's quite a physical workout and far from a clean job. But you know, I think there is a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day knowing you have worked hard and moved a lot of trash. Some of us move trash around all day in our head and never get anything accomplished:). Anyway, I'm learning to stay up when I get back from delivering him and starting on my daily devotions.....or get on the computer:).

Our church has had a prayer/fast week. I've not done a full fasting and feel a little guilty because many who are attending have been very faithful in a full fast. The prayer meetings each night have been a blessing. Since I don't feel prayer is a gifting of mine, though it is a universal responsibility, I love to hear the hearts of those prayer warriors who seem to know how to break through speaking truth over a situation. I can 'agree' with the best of them :). Last night was a night to specifically focus on spiritual strongholds and I left there with a gratefulness for this church who sought forgiveness, reconciliation and healing for offenses that had happened in the past. The church made a major shift in direction/focus this last year and there apparently was some discontent in either the shift or how it was presented or something. I don't need to know nor what to know what those offenses were. I appreciated the humbleness to seek healing in that area. And the prayer was lifted to break the 'spirit of religion'. That spirit that gets too full of its self and becomes arrogant. I did appreciate the side note that this didn't mean the church was getting soft on standing on the Truth of His Word. Anyway, what I was hearing was lining up with what God has been showing me about churches and personal relationships with God.

Have the churches moved away from what God intended them to be? As soon as those walls are formed, there come the rules of acceptance and approval. Some one, some where is sitting in the judgment seat determining if you are a good church member or not. Strip the walls away again and focus on the 'cornerstone'...the relationship with Jesus. I'm talking out loud and probably not making much sense because I continue to mull these thoughts around as God sorts them out to me.

Here's a question for you to answer so I'll have some comments and my ego will be feed that someone reads my posts:) :) :) :
If you could star in a movie, would it be drama, mystery, romance, intense action or comedy and can you give it a title?

Went to a Women of Faith conference this last weekend. While having a conversation with a couple of other women, I asked the question "if you could have any job or be anyone in the world, what would it be?". Even though I asked the question, I didn't have an answer at the time. Then it dawned on me....I want to be Patsy Clairmont or Chonda Pierce. One of those comedian ladies that can be so real with life yet put a humorous twist to it ending with a nugget of spiritual wisdom. In honor of my new idol, Patsy Clairmont, I will share with you something I learned from her this weekend. Her husband told her she was bossy, her two sons confirmed their father's opinion. Patsy, on the other hand, told them that she wasn't bossy but that she had 'giftedness of instruction'. The next 'spiritual gift' test that I take better have that one listed:).

All is going well with our recent addition of a resident. He still doesn't have a full time job but is managing some work here and there. Today is a job of hard labor, tearing off a barn roof and replacing it. I don't know how many days the work will last but I think it will be good, hard work and he is with a Christian man who has a heart to connect with him. It would be great to be able to post that we've made great strides in the areas of his life that aren't where I'd hope they were but honestly, God has given Ralph & I a peace about taking this slowly, celebrating whatever baby steps are taken. Sometimes Branden is very quiet and distant. Other times, he is very engaged in what's going on around him. When he is silent, I wonder what he's dealing with so I'll leave him alone and simply pray for God to capture his thoughts. He caught me at a very busy time the other day and wanted to talk.....so we did....the work got done in time though I had a little stress behind the scenes:).

Spring weather is here today and I'm at the computer. Something is wrong with that picture so I'm outta here.....

This wasn't what I asked for...

This wasn't what I asked for....I mean, I wasn't really asking for anything anyway. I was daydreaming sort of. I would see little babies and want to hold them to my cheek or hold their chubby cheeks in my hands and kiss their little faces. Or maybe a kitten. They can be snuggly and fun to put your cheek to and they purr sometimes. And with a kitten, you can leave it food, water and a litter box and go somewhere for days.
I heard the prayers spoken over me - I just didn't know from what direction the prodigal would come. "You will bring the prodigal ones home." Flashes of certain young people cross my vision. But I didn't dare to think of this one. Have been done this road before and he didn't stay. We didn't make a difference that we could see.
Enough with the cryptic. The story is this: we now have a 28 year old 'son' living with us. This is a young man we raised for a couple of years before we had children. We had hoped to adopt him and pushed for the papers to be signed a month before Dana's birth. We gambled and lost. His young mother (and she was so young which was why she considered giving him up in the first place) allowed for us to maintain contact which waned over the years. Until high school and a time of great conflict between Branden, his mother and step-dad. So he lived with us for almost 2 months until we called a halt to his playing us against his mother. She naturally would cave because she never could stand up to him - she needed him to love her no matter what and didn't like to discipline him. More years pass and she was killed in a car accident. She left a life insurance that through a trust, provided him a home and car. He lost it all. Lost the house, the truck and his license. He then has been adrift for the last 18 mos. or so. We got a call Sunday morning that he was in a local motel, with only the clothes on his back and no identification. He had been beat up in KC and all of his things taken. An ex-girlfriend picked him up and paid for his night at the motel. So we just brought him home. Decided it was most important to love him for now and take steps day by day on how to proceed from here. We've managed to get his identification papers replaced. Spent today filling out some applications for work and Ralph made some phone calls. He doesn't have his high school diploma, no skills to speak of and has worked at some places in town where he 'burned those bridges' so to speak.
When he came to us as a 3 year old, anything I asked of him he would respond "Ok" to because he wanted to please, wanted a place to stay and be loved. That is what I've seen this week. I know the 'honeymoon' phase will eventually wear off. I'm also praying that he has seen the bottom and really desires to give his life new direction. I admit to being guarded. I admitted to having some fear of loving him and getting hurt again. Jody cautioned me that "fear can limit God" so I'm trying not to be fearful....but am still guarded. I've always loved him but it got easier to do so at a distance. I have taken the approach that while there is much I would desire for him in his life, my main focus will be that he finds a personal relationship with Jesus. After that, all other things will be taken care of. If he leaves here, he will have the One with him that will not forsake him.
We don't know what we are doing. Day by day, God will show us the next step. Branden may be the prodigal, we may have the home but God is the Father who first greets him and welcomes him home.
By the way, I am praying for him to find a job soon because he has nothing to do but watch TV and eat us out of house and home!!!! (He is very helpful with anything I ask and offers to help. He can't get a door closed on the first try though....oh, the little things that can be irking...sorry that is so petty...)
Guess I won't get a kitten for now. Will have to grab a baby at church to hold. When I wonder if I can do "this", I'll remember I didn't ask for it so God must have thought I was weak enough He could use me in "this".

Be A Selfish Momma

You know the view from "over the hill" is really pretty clear on things that you simply couldn't see while traversing up the steep side of the mountain. I realize I may be starting the descent down the other side but I'm confident that this trail ends in God's paradise so I really don't mind.
The point of this post is really directed at those still on the upward ascent, whether you are a mother or a young woman (this could be written for men too). Somewhere in my silly thinking I bought into the 'take care of others first' ideal of being a servant like Jesus. I think I confused being a willing, humble servant with a person that denied herself what seemed to be the luxury of 'self time'. That is because I viewed 'self time' as selfish. My goodness, ladies, if I don't see myself and my relationship with God as having great value, then I'm just a slave to the everyday pressures of life in a fallen world. Yes, I know saying how important the daily quiet time is with God puts added pressure on an already overwhelmed young woman's life. Yes, you already know that seeking God first will 'add' to your life. So why do we make it so hard? Why do we think that special time with our Lord, our Comforter, our Healer, our ________(fill in the blank of what you need today) can be shuffled around the needs of others in our day? Why? Because the enemy doesn't want you to spend time with Him! Yes, you can catch glimpses of Him in your day. You can throw up arrow prayers between carpools. You can grab a quick devotion. You can listen to praise songs as you cook dinner. All of this is good. Yet I want to encourage you to rest with Him! I know that I'm in a different phase of life than many of you that may read this. I know that I didn't do a very good job of resting with Him during my ascent up the mountain. I know that I'm not 100% good at heeding my own words even now. But when I look back, when I see the path twist and turn behind me, when I recall the exhaustion and even anger that I sometimes felt, I see where I didn't take 'self time' to be restored and renewed by Him on a faithful basis. If I could give each of you a gift, it would be 'self time' wrapped up by the Master Gifter Himself. Blessings.

Big Brother Pedestal

My oldest brother is 11 years older than I am. By the time I was in 2nd grade, he had left home for college, then marriage and then the army only to return to the home area after I had left home for college where I would get married and not ever return to the home area. So you see, while we love each other as family and have much in common because of family, we don't really know each other as adults. I recently wrote him a letter saying much the same thing. Telling him I wanted to know more about him and for him to know more of who I am. Something that I shared with him that was a revelation even for me was that my personal relationship with God began when he was in Viet Nam. Every night for that year, I thanked God for what we had and asked him to bring my brother home. It was the most disciplined prayer time of my life until much later. Now I find myself praying for him again each day. Today marks the third day of his intense chemotherapy that will last 3 more days. Each day taking him closer to death's door. Killing those cells in the hopes of killing the 'sleeper' cancer cells too. Prayerfully he will then receive his own stem cells back into his body by day 8. And then he will begin the long road back. Thankfully he has the greatest wife in the world to help him through this ordeal. And all of his children and their families are close by. But I want to be there too. I want to take him off that big brother pedestal so I can stop feeling like the little sister. I want to know him in a new way. I want him to know who I am and more about my journey with God. I REALLY want him to know Jesus and for us to know that he has accepted Him as Savior. So, whoever reads this, would you please pray: his complete victory over cancer; our future opportunities to get to know each other and mostly for his salvation. Thanks.

Too Funny!

This morning he read to me from the paper the cost of a new Corvette. Then he told me about the Chrysler van that has the lifetime guarantee. When I laughed out loud, I had to tell him about my blog. He is still taking me out to dinner. Whew!

Early Valentine's Date

In keeping with the tradition that we don't do many things traditionally, Ralph and I had an early Valentine's date last night.
And let me publicly say this: I have gotten irritated in the past that he will read the newspaper from the front page to the last page of how ever many sections of the paper there is. Sometimes he feels compelled to share with me the quirkiest tidbits of information or maybe how much a 1969 Corvette is listed for in the classifieds. Are we in the market for a Corvette? Not that I'm aware of but if we ever are, he will know how much they've been advertised for in the classifieds. Okay, to the point of me sharing this irritation. Many times, and I really do mean many times, he has read about an play, an special event, a movie or restaurant review that he then wants to take his family to enjoy. He's taken someone from his family to Blue Man group, the Dead Sea Scrolls, Starlight, Lidia's restaurant, WWII Memorial, theatres and museums, all from him reading the newspaper.
So last night our date was another inspiration derived from the KC Star. Jardine's Jazz restaurant (does that sound better than Jazz Club?) had a Valentine Day special but it was already booked full so we went last night instead. We saw a group that was not necessarily jazz but described as 'cabaret style'. Yep. Not going to repeat seeing their show again. Thankfully we stayed for the next show which was Sons of Brasil - latin jazz. YES! I would love to hear them again. And now we know that you can go there to have dinner which the food was pretty good. Or you can go have an appetizer or not even order any food. Naturally there are alcoholic drinks available but there are other options. Some shows have a cover charge and many do not. This place has performers every night. How cool is that if you are a jazz performer and have somewhere to perform in our own little Kansas City? The people working there were so easy going and friendly. You didn't get that "you aren't drinking????" cold shoulder. In fact, later that evening I think there were some students from UMKC there because a young man guest performed with the latin jazz group. And he did so good. I felt like standing up and hugging him - crazy, I know:).
One more piece of good news in all of this. The evening wasn't very expensive so Ralph is taking me out for another dinner Saturday. He didn't read about this place in the newspaper. It's the local restaurant/bar in the little town he works in now. It's one of those places you go to early in the evening and go home before the late night crowd kicks up their heels. And the food & service is truly good as well as the price being very reasonable.
Now I'm admitting...I'm grateful my husband does read the newspaper and discover fun things to do that we would have missed otherwise. And if I ever decide to ask for a Corvette....

Nose Spray or Eye Drops?

Well, I wonder why I would post this and risk the comments my loved ones will certainly make on future gatherings but then I decided why not cause a little laughter even if it is at my own expense.

Take what started out to be a typical hurry-up afternoon, add an unexpected turn of events with things happening at hyper-warp speed when you realize your eyes are burning like crazy from the make-up that dissolved into your eyes when you found yourself crying out to God for His mercy and wisdom. It was a really sweet time other than my eyes were really uncomfortable. So naturally I marched straight to the bathroom cabinet, reached in for the bottle that would bring relief to the burn and as I poured drops into one eye....then the other....I realized that I wasn't holding Visine...nope, I was holding the saline nose spray.

The good news is that it was a 'saline' nose spray which is what natural tears are anyway. Maybe the saline was a little stronger than my real tears. I don't really know other than my eyes did a pretty good job of tearing on their own for a few seconds. Really, it all turned out just fine. And I don't know where the Visine is. It isn't in the cabinet where it usually is. Goes to show how we become creatures of habit....that could have dangerous consequences.

Guess you could say God answered my prayer for mercy....still waiting for the wisdom.

Reason to Celebrate

All of my Kiddos above, to the left is Dana and Jody going
to the hospital to visit their baby brother.

These two were often side by side, usually with Ross on Jody in some fashion. Then there is the picture of the little girl who fought naps until she couldn't resist anymore.


I think this is one indicating her ability to dress for success.

Twenty-one years ago, while others were talking about whether the Ground Hog saw his shadow or not, we were welcoming a beautiful baby girl into our lives. The years have flown by and the memories are amazing. And you know what? We are so excited about what the years will continue to bring as she follows the path He has laid for her. There will be ups and down, valleys and peaks, but we have full confidence that His hand will ever guide her and His angels will keep watch over her. To our Jody....like a melody....(David Allen Coe song) our love and blessings go out to you on your birthday and each day.
Disclaimer- This is the first time I've uploaded pictures and it didn't arrange well but I know better for the next time I try this if I don't forget.

Happy 21st Birthday, Jody Lynn

Fun With Numbers

1 + 1 + 1 = ONE
Called the Trinity Formula
Father + Jesus + Holy Spirit = ONE GOD

21
The assigned age that entitles one to buy their own booze.
You can serve in the armed forces and sign a contract at 18.
You can't legally act stupid until 3 years later.

6
As in six straight hours of sleep without awakening nor any movement.
Amazing considering the two naps taken that day.

Almost 10
As in almost 10 hours of being in bed mostly sleeping.
I'd say this body was fighting off something.

50
Fifty days until the first day of spring.

1
One day - this is the one day that I know God has given me.
How I spend it is my choice. And I choose to sit in the sun.
I choose to listen for Him. I choose to trust....to wait & see.

Late Date Night

Well, maybe it wasn't a late date night. More like a middle of the night date. And when I told my husband about it, he wasn't jealous at all. In fact, he was very supportive of my late night affair. And yes, I did use the word affair. It wasn't in the romantic, passionate sense of affair but it was an affair of the heart. You see, God has this way of waking me up in the middle of the night. For years I told him the same thing I would have told anyone waking me up, "not now - go away." What a blessing it has become to agree to hear Him out when He has something to share with me. And face it, during most of the day, I don't have enough discipline to be quiet to hear Him and as with all of us, there is always an abundance of distractions during our waking hours. So, back to the point of this post - last night's date. Since it was an affair of the heart, the details of the date might not be as interesting to others as it was to me. In fact, to summarize the event would be to say He revealed greater understanding of His truth and I was able to grasp it, put the pieces together, find and study scriptures and could even reiterate it for others. Too often I feel 'dull of mind' in that I can kinda get a grasp on something but am never able to spit it back out for others. I'm a thinking, hoping and praying that the 'dull mind' has been made at least opaque and maybe will even get better - :). Glory, but it was wonderful.
Then the sun rises and the local news team shows up in my neighborhood. How ugly our world can be and how close it is getting to home. A father sexually abused his daughter for the last 6 years, she has birthed 4 babies, two were buried on the property near us, one is dead but location unknown for sure and the other child is in foster care now. How much more of these horrific stories will we see before our Lord returns? Too many for sure. May He equip us to handle these events around us that demonstrate His grace and mercy.

No Museums on Monday

I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that most museums aren't open on Mondays since they have longer weekend hours to accommodate visitors. Nevertheless I was disappointed yesterday when on his day off my husband suggested going to an art museum and there wasn't one open in the whole metro city area. So we did the next thing we do well anyway and that was go out to eat. Seriously while we are trying to be more aware of what we eat and what we spend eating out, it seems to be our downfall anyway. A good reuben sandwhich makes for a fun outing though.

Praises!! The test results have returned from J's mole removal and they were benign. To understand the significance of this, first: this time I prayed it wouldn't be melanoma and that she will not ever have it again; second: each one of her previous tests (with the exception of the melanoma case) has returned as displatia nevux (sp?) which is abnormal cells with the propensity to become cancerous. So a test result of "benign" is a wonderful sign of His grace and mercy in answering prayers and giving testimony to faith. Now to remember that with the other concerns I'm dialoguing with my Lord about...

So the next major health concern in my family is that of my older brother who is dealing with a re-occurence of lymphoma. It was just decided that he is going to undergo a stem cell transplant in February using his own stem cells. This is pretty intense but it is a process that has been improved and with some excellent results lasting longer term. He was cancer free for six years (time flew by) before it returned but they say it will continue to return on a shortening cycle each time. However, with this treatment, the statistics are showing 85% have not had a reoccurence after 8 years. I must say I admire him for his strength and outlook as he approaches this battle fully ready for victory. There is one important aspect I'm not sure he is taking into battle with him....will continue to pray for the assurance of his life in heaven's eternity.

It is so frustrating when I realize my son is communicating with me (or not communicating with me) much like his dad does with his own mother. Makes me sorry for not working to improve that line of communciation between my mother in-law and my husband. Now I'm getting the same treatment. So, wives, listen up. Encourage your husband to treat his mother like you want your son to treat you some day. Maybe you will have better results than I have at this point. Now I understand that this is partly that process of him outgrowing the need to touch base with the parental units at every turn and for that I will celebrate his independence. But mono syllables and grunting do not make for conversation! :)

Today is a big day in our nation. President Obama, may God work in you and through you as well as the individuals that make up this country. May we show brotherly love to one another that creates a unified front to the world regardless of gender, race or social class. I've always teared up at the words in the song "Let There Be Peace" ....and let it begin with me. If each one embraced that mantra what would our world look like? Oh, time for my melancholy self to move on for now....

Novice Blogger

After being a lurking blogpost reader, my daughter decided that she would create a blog of my own. I don't have a lot of time but here is a quick insight to an earlier part of my day:

As we pulled on the door to enter the building, the alarms blared obnoxiously loud causing the residents fright and great embarrassment to Martha and myself. Of course, I am reading the sign that tells you about the alarm as I am opening the door. I should have remembered that nursing homes have those alarms. It's probably that I am quite uncomfortable going to hospitals and nursing homes anyway that my brain is disengaged....that is until the alarm system wakes every cell in my body. Well, at this point, we have our foot in the door as they say so onward we go to Annie's room. Annie is a lady in her 40s who has had a life that most of us wouldn't believe if it was made into a movie. She is a recovering heroine addict who found the Lord a few years ago. I must say I have much admiration and respect for the people of the church who adopted and ministered to her over these last years. Sadly, Annie's body has had so much trauma (short list: drugs, beating, shooting, abuse, seizures) that her last surgery has taken a toll leaving her on a ventilator with limited movement. As we visited with her, she seemed to know us and could acknowledge our questions by moving her feet. Now that is an interesting way to have a conversation. Look into someone's eyes as you speak to them then glance down at their feet to watch for a reaction. A new meaning to looking a "person up and down". My hope is that in our visit with Annie, we were able to remind her of a few of the Lord's promises. Her life has been full of broken promises and expectations. As she lies there alone and disabled in body, may her thoughts be on the One who is faithful to His promises. There is always something to learn from each person we meet in life. From Annie I've witnessed a tremendous spirit to survive - even through the most unspeakable horrible events of her life. Right now, and this is probably more honest than I should admit in a first-time blogpost, my desire would be for Annie to embrace her future in eternity with a perfect Father and that she would relinquish the fight to continue surviving in her hurt body. If that is wrong thinking, I'm sorry for it. Yet to imagine her in a new body, in heaven praising her Savior....what a glorious vision.

I love you momma

Your blog is so bare without a post. So...I'm just gonna post for you until you get that new monitor and blog lady! You can delete this post when you add your own. But now you know what it looks like!


I love you.

Love,
Jody