This wasn't what I asked for...

This wasn't what I asked for....I mean, I wasn't really asking for anything anyway. I was daydreaming sort of. I would see little babies and want to hold them to my cheek or hold their chubby cheeks in my hands and kiss their little faces. Or maybe a kitten. They can be snuggly and fun to put your cheek to and they purr sometimes. And with a kitten, you can leave it food, water and a litter box and go somewhere for days.
I heard the prayers spoken over me - I just didn't know from what direction the prodigal would come. "You will bring the prodigal ones home." Flashes of certain young people cross my vision. But I didn't dare to think of this one. Have been done this road before and he didn't stay. We didn't make a difference that we could see.
Enough with the cryptic. The story is this: we now have a 28 year old 'son' living with us. This is a young man we raised for a couple of years before we had children. We had hoped to adopt him and pushed for the papers to be signed a month before Dana's birth. We gambled and lost. His young mother (and she was so young which was why she considered giving him up in the first place) allowed for us to maintain contact which waned over the years. Until high school and a time of great conflict between Branden, his mother and step-dad. So he lived with us for almost 2 months until we called a halt to his playing us against his mother. She naturally would cave because she never could stand up to him - she needed him to love her no matter what and didn't like to discipline him. More years pass and she was killed in a car accident. She left a life insurance that through a trust, provided him a home and car. He lost it all. Lost the house, the truck and his license. He then has been adrift for the last 18 mos. or so. We got a call Sunday morning that he was in a local motel, with only the clothes on his back and no identification. He had been beat up in KC and all of his things taken. An ex-girlfriend picked him up and paid for his night at the motel. So we just brought him home. Decided it was most important to love him for now and take steps day by day on how to proceed from here. We've managed to get his identification papers replaced. Spent today filling out some applications for work and Ralph made some phone calls. He doesn't have his high school diploma, no skills to speak of and has worked at some places in town where he 'burned those bridges' so to speak.
When he came to us as a 3 year old, anything I asked of him he would respond "Ok" to because he wanted to please, wanted a place to stay and be loved. That is what I've seen this week. I know the 'honeymoon' phase will eventually wear off. I'm also praying that he has seen the bottom and really desires to give his life new direction. I admit to being guarded. I admitted to having some fear of loving him and getting hurt again. Jody cautioned me that "fear can limit God" so I'm trying not to be fearful....but am still guarded. I've always loved him but it got easier to do so at a distance. I have taken the approach that while there is much I would desire for him in his life, my main focus will be that he finds a personal relationship with Jesus. After that, all other things will be taken care of. If he leaves here, he will have the One with him that will not forsake him.
We don't know what we are doing. Day by day, God will show us the next step. Branden may be the prodigal, we may have the home but God is the Father who first greets him and welcomes him home.
By the way, I am praying for him to find a job soon because he has nothing to do but watch TV and eat us out of house and home!!!! (He is very helpful with anything I ask and offers to help. He can't get a door closed on the first try though....oh, the little things that can be irking...sorry that is so petty...)
Guess I won't get a kitten for now. Will have to grab a baby at church to hold. When I wonder if I can do "this", I'll remember I didn't ask for it so God must have thought I was weak enough He could use me in "this".

Be A Selfish Momma

You know the view from "over the hill" is really pretty clear on things that you simply couldn't see while traversing up the steep side of the mountain. I realize I may be starting the descent down the other side but I'm confident that this trail ends in God's paradise so I really don't mind.
The point of this post is really directed at those still on the upward ascent, whether you are a mother or a young woman (this could be written for men too). Somewhere in my silly thinking I bought into the 'take care of others first' ideal of being a servant like Jesus. I think I confused being a willing, humble servant with a person that denied herself what seemed to be the luxury of 'self time'. That is because I viewed 'self time' as selfish. My goodness, ladies, if I don't see myself and my relationship with God as having great value, then I'm just a slave to the everyday pressures of life in a fallen world. Yes, I know saying how important the daily quiet time is with God puts added pressure on an already overwhelmed young woman's life. Yes, you already know that seeking God first will 'add' to your life. So why do we make it so hard? Why do we think that special time with our Lord, our Comforter, our Healer, our ________(fill in the blank of what you need today) can be shuffled around the needs of others in our day? Why? Because the enemy doesn't want you to spend time with Him! Yes, you can catch glimpses of Him in your day. You can throw up arrow prayers between carpools. You can grab a quick devotion. You can listen to praise songs as you cook dinner. All of this is good. Yet I want to encourage you to rest with Him! I know that I'm in a different phase of life than many of you that may read this. I know that I didn't do a very good job of resting with Him during my ascent up the mountain. I know that I'm not 100% good at heeding my own words even now. But when I look back, when I see the path twist and turn behind me, when I recall the exhaustion and even anger that I sometimes felt, I see where I didn't take 'self time' to be restored and renewed by Him on a faithful basis. If I could give each of you a gift, it would be 'self time' wrapped up by the Master Gifter Himself. Blessings.

Big Brother Pedestal

My oldest brother is 11 years older than I am. By the time I was in 2nd grade, he had left home for college, then marriage and then the army only to return to the home area after I had left home for college where I would get married and not ever return to the home area. So you see, while we love each other as family and have much in common because of family, we don't really know each other as adults. I recently wrote him a letter saying much the same thing. Telling him I wanted to know more about him and for him to know more of who I am. Something that I shared with him that was a revelation even for me was that my personal relationship with God began when he was in Viet Nam. Every night for that year, I thanked God for what we had and asked him to bring my brother home. It was the most disciplined prayer time of my life until much later. Now I find myself praying for him again each day. Today marks the third day of his intense chemotherapy that will last 3 more days. Each day taking him closer to death's door. Killing those cells in the hopes of killing the 'sleeper' cancer cells too. Prayerfully he will then receive his own stem cells back into his body by day 8. And then he will begin the long road back. Thankfully he has the greatest wife in the world to help him through this ordeal. And all of his children and their families are close by. But I want to be there too. I want to take him off that big brother pedestal so I can stop feeling like the little sister. I want to know him in a new way. I want him to know who I am and more about my journey with God. I REALLY want him to know Jesus and for us to know that he has accepted Him as Savior. So, whoever reads this, would you please pray: his complete victory over cancer; our future opportunities to get to know each other and mostly for his salvation. Thanks.

Too Funny!

This morning he read to me from the paper the cost of a new Corvette. Then he told me about the Chrysler van that has the lifetime guarantee. When I laughed out loud, I had to tell him about my blog. He is still taking me out to dinner. Whew!

Early Valentine's Date

In keeping with the tradition that we don't do many things traditionally, Ralph and I had an early Valentine's date last night.
And let me publicly say this: I have gotten irritated in the past that he will read the newspaper from the front page to the last page of how ever many sections of the paper there is. Sometimes he feels compelled to share with me the quirkiest tidbits of information or maybe how much a 1969 Corvette is listed for in the classifieds. Are we in the market for a Corvette? Not that I'm aware of but if we ever are, he will know how much they've been advertised for in the classifieds. Okay, to the point of me sharing this irritation. Many times, and I really do mean many times, he has read about an play, an special event, a movie or restaurant review that he then wants to take his family to enjoy. He's taken someone from his family to Blue Man group, the Dead Sea Scrolls, Starlight, Lidia's restaurant, WWII Memorial, theatres and museums, all from him reading the newspaper.
So last night our date was another inspiration derived from the KC Star. Jardine's Jazz restaurant (does that sound better than Jazz Club?) had a Valentine Day special but it was already booked full so we went last night instead. We saw a group that was not necessarily jazz but described as 'cabaret style'. Yep. Not going to repeat seeing their show again. Thankfully we stayed for the next show which was Sons of Brasil - latin jazz. YES! I would love to hear them again. And now we know that you can go there to have dinner which the food was pretty good. Or you can go have an appetizer or not even order any food. Naturally there are alcoholic drinks available but there are other options. Some shows have a cover charge and many do not. This place has performers every night. How cool is that if you are a jazz performer and have somewhere to perform in our own little Kansas City? The people working there were so easy going and friendly. You didn't get that "you aren't drinking????" cold shoulder. In fact, later that evening I think there were some students from UMKC there because a young man guest performed with the latin jazz group. And he did so good. I felt like standing up and hugging him - crazy, I know:).
One more piece of good news in all of this. The evening wasn't very expensive so Ralph is taking me out for another dinner Saturday. He didn't read about this place in the newspaper. It's the local restaurant/bar in the little town he works in now. It's one of those places you go to early in the evening and go home before the late night crowd kicks up their heels. And the food & service is truly good as well as the price being very reasonable.
Now I'm admitting...I'm grateful my husband does read the newspaper and discover fun things to do that we would have missed otherwise. And if I ever decide to ask for a Corvette....

Nose Spray or Eye Drops?

Well, I wonder why I would post this and risk the comments my loved ones will certainly make on future gatherings but then I decided why not cause a little laughter even if it is at my own expense.

Take what started out to be a typical hurry-up afternoon, add an unexpected turn of events with things happening at hyper-warp speed when you realize your eyes are burning like crazy from the make-up that dissolved into your eyes when you found yourself crying out to God for His mercy and wisdom. It was a really sweet time other than my eyes were really uncomfortable. So naturally I marched straight to the bathroom cabinet, reached in for the bottle that would bring relief to the burn and as I poured drops into one eye....then the other....I realized that I wasn't holding Visine...nope, I was holding the saline nose spray.

The good news is that it was a 'saline' nose spray which is what natural tears are anyway. Maybe the saline was a little stronger than my real tears. I don't really know other than my eyes did a pretty good job of tearing on their own for a few seconds. Really, it all turned out just fine. And I don't know where the Visine is. It isn't in the cabinet where it usually is. Goes to show how we become creatures of habit....that could have dangerous consequences.

Guess you could say God answered my prayer for mercy....still waiting for the wisdom.

Reason to Celebrate

All of my Kiddos above, to the left is Dana and Jody going
to the hospital to visit their baby brother.

These two were often side by side, usually with Ross on Jody in some fashion. Then there is the picture of the little girl who fought naps until she couldn't resist anymore.


I think this is one indicating her ability to dress for success.

Twenty-one years ago, while others were talking about whether the Ground Hog saw his shadow or not, we were welcoming a beautiful baby girl into our lives. The years have flown by and the memories are amazing. And you know what? We are so excited about what the years will continue to bring as she follows the path He has laid for her. There will be ups and down, valleys and peaks, but we have full confidence that His hand will ever guide her and His angels will keep watch over her. To our Jody....like a melody....(David Allen Coe song) our love and blessings go out to you on your birthday and each day.
Disclaimer- This is the first time I've uploaded pictures and it didn't arrange well but I know better for the next time I try this if I don't forget.

Happy 21st Birthday, Jody Lynn