This wasn't what I asked for...

This wasn't what I asked for....I mean, I wasn't really asking for anything anyway. I was daydreaming sort of. I would see little babies and want to hold them to my cheek or hold their chubby cheeks in my hands and kiss their little faces. Or maybe a kitten. They can be snuggly and fun to put your cheek to and they purr sometimes. And with a kitten, you can leave it food, water and a litter box and go somewhere for days.
I heard the prayers spoken over me - I just didn't know from what direction the prodigal would come. "You will bring the prodigal ones home." Flashes of certain young people cross my vision. But I didn't dare to think of this one. Have been done this road before and he didn't stay. We didn't make a difference that we could see.
Enough with the cryptic. The story is this: we now have a 28 year old 'son' living with us. This is a young man we raised for a couple of years before we had children. We had hoped to adopt him and pushed for the papers to be signed a month before Dana's birth. We gambled and lost. His young mother (and she was so young which was why she considered giving him up in the first place) allowed for us to maintain contact which waned over the years. Until high school and a time of great conflict between Branden, his mother and step-dad. So he lived with us for almost 2 months until we called a halt to his playing us against his mother. She naturally would cave because she never could stand up to him - she needed him to love her no matter what and didn't like to discipline him. More years pass and she was killed in a car accident. She left a life insurance that through a trust, provided him a home and car. He lost it all. Lost the house, the truck and his license. He then has been adrift for the last 18 mos. or so. We got a call Sunday morning that he was in a local motel, with only the clothes on his back and no identification. He had been beat up in KC and all of his things taken. An ex-girlfriend picked him up and paid for his night at the motel. So we just brought him home. Decided it was most important to love him for now and take steps day by day on how to proceed from here. We've managed to get his identification papers replaced. Spent today filling out some applications for work and Ralph made some phone calls. He doesn't have his high school diploma, no skills to speak of and has worked at some places in town where he 'burned those bridges' so to speak.
When he came to us as a 3 year old, anything I asked of him he would respond "Ok" to because he wanted to please, wanted a place to stay and be loved. That is what I've seen this week. I know the 'honeymoon' phase will eventually wear off. I'm also praying that he has seen the bottom and really desires to give his life new direction. I admit to being guarded. I admitted to having some fear of loving him and getting hurt again. Jody cautioned me that "fear can limit God" so I'm trying not to be fearful....but am still guarded. I've always loved him but it got easier to do so at a distance. I have taken the approach that while there is much I would desire for him in his life, my main focus will be that he finds a personal relationship with Jesus. After that, all other things will be taken care of. If he leaves here, he will have the One with him that will not forsake him.
We don't know what we are doing. Day by day, God will show us the next step. Branden may be the prodigal, we may have the home but God is the Father who first greets him and welcomes him home.
By the way, I am praying for him to find a job soon because he has nothing to do but watch TV and eat us out of house and home!!!! (He is very helpful with anything I ask and offers to help. He can't get a door closed on the first try though....oh, the little things that can be irking...sorry that is so petty...)
Guess I won't get a kitten for now. Will have to grab a baby at church to hold. When I wonder if I can do "this", I'll remember I didn't ask for it so God must have thought I was weak enough He could use me in "this".