Thankful

Woke up really early this morning and spent some time with a glass of milk and my thanksgiving list.  Finished teaching another New Believer's class last night with them giving their testimonies.  So wonderful to hear how God has moved in people's lives! 

Peeked in on Facebook for awhile which lead me to some family pictures.  Fills my heart with joy to remember what this family means to one another.  Encourages me to press on in prayer believing He has even more for this family.  My desire is that we ALL serve Him and my fantasy is that we even serve together once in awhile.  How cool would that be?

Am finding myself a little weary in a few areas.  Just can't seem to get caught up on the housework - I plane don't like doing it - and the clutter that needs cleared away isn't getting any better.   Having an extra person living with us has gone fairly well other than it is another person living with us.  One more person to buy groceries for, to work a schedule around, to share a living area and TV with and to clean up after.  And really he has shown great initiative to doing things without me having to ask him but there are still those 'things' that aren't done or aren't how I would like them to be.  Makes me feel selfish and sometimes petty.  I don't want to be that way.

Then again, I've had some great time with Him lately.  So I think I will keep my thoughts focused there and be THANKFUL.

Squeegee Hunt

I've got my bucket, I've got my rock, I'm goin' on a squeegee hunt...

I truly do have all that I need to walk victorious in this life. It's a matter of laying down what isn't necessary or isn't working and picking up the tools that equip me. It's remaining under a true spiritual authority, seeing what He has for me to see, availing myself of the resources (people included) around me and marching forward. He has given me a passion and a call to a certain ministry. He has been fine tuning me and I'm sure has much work left to do (smile) so it's time to press onward. At His pace, with His guidance and in His way. Keeping my eyes on the prize...

And I hope it is a 'squeegee'...

amazing how easily tears can spring to the eyes...might be the bright sun, or the stinging wind, a sudden surprise, unexpected gift, a melancholy moment, a grieving sadness, sweet embrace, moving song, lovely vision, special memory, a thing hoped for, a date on the calendar...new life, restored life - both precious and to be highly anticipated and celebrated!

It only takes a few...

So many words spoken, some hold life and some are hurtful. It only takes a few...to change a life. "I'm sorry." "You're forgiven." "I love you." "I appreciate you." "I miss you." "I am blessed to have you in my life." For all of the words that can weigh you down, to be lifted up again only takes a few.

For Keeps

So in the journey to becoming a family, we've had taken a few turns that doesn't follow the usual course. Early on, we seemed to be the couple that would babysit others kids. In college, we watched Eddie while his mom worked. Ralph taught him to love donuts and Eddie taught Ralph how to wipe his hands on a napkin by rolling it across his chest with one hand, then the other thereby cleaning both hands. Then we helped a family with 3 kids whose mother had an emotional problem. The kids started turning to us more than their mother so we had to step back to allow them to work out being a family unit again. Next we get a call from an ex-neighbor offering us her grandson to adopt. We gave him a home for almost 2 years before playing roulette with the mother and saying either she allowed us to adopt him or she needed to give him a home. We lost. Then followed daughters of our own, Dana and Jody. God had one more surprise for us though in an unexpected pregnancy that brought Ross William Glazner into our lives. On that day I thought, "finally a son that can't be taken away from us". The craziness of this journey is that the young boy we wanted to adopt has been in and out of lives several times and has returned once again. He's about to be 31 and this time I "see" him as a son but also know I have no parental rights - He is truly God's son. And while it feels like 'someone' has taken Ross away, I know the same applies to him - He is truly God's son. Well, gee, I thought this being a mother was "for keeps". I think I'm glad to have figured out Who the real Keeper is but it is taking a while to adjust to the fact that I'm not it. I mean, wouldn't I want God to be the One who "keeps" all my children (and all loved ones) in His hand? Of course, I do!

Learning to figure out where the puts me on the journey. Moving forward, watching for road signs, listening for His voice, trusting that what/where/how all moves me toward what is really "for keeps".

Loving the Prodigals

I'm learning. Sometimes wonder why I am in this place to be doing this learning. But I am. In fact, guess I kinda asked for it. I've had an ongoing tutoring session with God for several years now on the topic of Love. I recall stating to someone years ago "If I want to love this boy, I have to love his momma." And I tried. In fact, I did love her but I didn't nurture her in a relationship toward God, at least not very well. And now she is in eternity. I can only hope she made a decision that sent her to heaven but I honestly don't know. In those years I thought I could love someone enough to make a difference. Then I discovered my love is limited and conditional and it is exhausting to try to "love enough". God's love is unlimited and unconditional so my next thought was that I needed to love others with His love and allow Him to work through me as He willed. The shortcoming of that idea is that the other person might be influenced by His love through others but they still have a will to choose how to respond to His love. So here I am in what I hope to be the Master Level course on Love. My role in this life is to Love Him. Simply to Love Him. He will direct my steps, will channel His love to flow onto others as He plans, He will sustain and protect me and He will keep me in perfect peace. I must give all of me to Him if I'm to have that perfect peace. Wish it was as easy as it sounds. Well, that sounded negative. But that's where I am right now. Learning to keep my eyes on Him. "Be still and know that I am God."

Don't mean to be cryptic so I'll explain what has motivated this post: Our 'almost son', Branden, is home with us for awhile. There are some who probably have concern with this decision and I understand. However, this was a decision that we didn't make - God did. Branden has come and gone from our lives several times. This time Ralph & I know God brought him here. We don't know anything more than that. And it has to be enough for now. We are asking and trusting God to reveal what is next. We are trusting.

What is within the spirit - the pureness or corruptness of the spiritual heart - is what shapes the soul - the thinking, feeling, acting which in turns affects the health of the body. If I am full of unforgiveness, it becomes a bitterness that then flavors every thought, feeling and action I have, in particular toward the area from which the bitterness was originally harbored. And those unhealthy emotions and actions begin to tear down my physical body. The stress and anguish change the chemical make-up of my body and begin to break down its optimum performance level.

So, upon learning this anew Sunday, I asked God to show me if there was any hidden bitterness in me. Why did I not think He would answer that prayer and show me exactly what I had asked for?
God has revealed a bitter root and it will have to come out. It's stuck right now but He will help break it up so it is completely removed this time. Once and for all! PTL

Two Contrasts

KYAC: Thanks to my niece, there is a new acronym in the family vocabulary. She is referring to the treatment her dad, my brother, is receiving to beat this aggressive cancer back into remission. KYAC stands for Kick Your A** Chemo and is warning the cancer cells that they are going to die, die, die. And we are believing that this is exactly what is happening. The effects have been very difficult on my brother especially since this treatment started within 11 days of having 2 brain surgeries. My brother is a strong man and is a fighter. But it is God who is His defender and Healer. I'm praying God will touch his (Fred) life with healing in the spirit and in the physical.

"Himher": Another new word in our family's vocabulary. While we are praying for cells to stop dividing and start dying in Fred's situation, we are praying for healthy cell division to occur in perfect timing for "Himher". That is because this is my first grandbaby's nickname until he/she is born.

Hearing the news of "Himher" is a sweet reminder that God is always moving life forward. We are being created, being refined, being restored, being prepared, being strengthened, being...
always with His hand upon us.

So I've said the one name I don't want my g'babies to call me is Granny. There are a few other names I'd probably not particularly welcome either. But let's face it. Whatever this sweet baby calls me will be grand with me:). We might need to negotiate a little though because the first g'baby gets to establish the name all of the others will call me too. Already there is pressure on being the oldest child.

One life fighting to beat cancer cells then needing to grow healthy cells to thrive. One life creating new cell divisions to grow and thrive. Two different lives in contrast to one another yet both moving forward to live "life abundantly" as He has promised.

I love you, Fred. I love you Himher. I love the One who holds both of you in His hands.

What next, Feddie Boy?

My oldest brother is 11 years older than me and that alone is enough to set him up as a hero figure in a little sister's eyes. And apparently whatever he asked me to do, I'd do it then ask him "What next, Feddie boy?" There is a family movie at a motel with a swimming pool (what a treat that was!) that even had a slide!!! The picture is grainy and the sound muffled but you can actually hear me ask him that question.

This morning as he is being brought out of a medically induced coma following two brain surgeries yesterday, he is still my hero. But instead of asking him 'what's next', I'd like to show him what's been happening and what is next. I want him to see and hear the prayers that have stormed the heavens on his behalf. I want him to know the One who has heard these prayers and has from His love and mercy been answering those prayers. I want my hero to have a Hero and for him to ask God ''what's next?" .

I'm believing in miracles and I'm asking for changed lives - all for His glory.

Love Beyond the Circumstances

Many times as I lay in bed I begin to thank God for the many blessings in my life. The bed feels so comfortable, I'm not hungry, I have enough covers to be warm or a fan to be cool, my husband is beside me, my family is healthy, Kirby (the dog) is snoring, I love God and feel His love for me so strongly.
One night as I had these soothing thoughts flowing through my mind, I suddenly had the vision of a small dark skinned girl whose belly was swollen as she lay on the cold ground with only a light cover and realized God loves her just as much as He loves me. It made me realize that I had associated comfort with being loved. What a lie that is! This little girl, a daughter of the King, knew His love and loved Him in return in the midst of some pretty hard circumstances.
"So, God," I asked, "why have you blessed me with so much while she lies there hungry and cold? You love us both enough to give Your life for us. I'm not sure what to do with what You are showing me."
I'm still working out the answer. For one thing, I had to own up to the realization that I still had an unclear view of His love. I was unaware of how much I still associated comfortable circumstances with His love. Oh, I know He loves me even through the hardest of trials. In fact, I feel His love and strength more then because those very trials cause me to press into Him more. But in the physical comfort sense, I felt so blessed - loved - because I didn't struggle there. I would never have thought that my little dark skinned friend was not loved by God just because she was hungry, sick or cold.
This love, God's love, is not a love to be experienced only in the physical. It is a love that connects our soul and spirit with the Living and Loving God. "Man does not live by bread alone." I AM hungry. I am hungry for more of God. Not for more comfort, for more knowledge, for more resources, for more friends though I'll receive all of these things if He gives them to me. But I'm beginning to see that my new friend and I have a need in common that He desires to give us equally - His love.
I think I will remember my new friend, maybe give her a name. I will ask God to pour His love into us, that it would overflow onto others and that they would hunger for more. I hope I meet her someday, at least in heaven. Such an odd way to be talking about someone I know nothing about yet believe God has connected us for a reason. We'll see what that is someday.
God's love is indescribable.

ouch

It just hit me like a brick. I didn't expect this (do we ever?). My oldest brother is fighting cancer - thank you Viet Nam - for the third time since 2002. One of his options this time is a stem cell transplant from siblings. Of course, I'm willing to give it a try on my part. More than anything I wish I could pass on to him "life everlasting" but that is his to unwrap for himself. What hit me like a brick was that he is my oldest brother. With both parents gone, he is the oldest of my family unit. And we need him around for a lot longer. So, thank you, God for answering the prayer that this cancer will lose once again. I'm thanking You now for the glorious revealing of your divine healing that will be a testimony in this family and for those around them. Thank you that we can stand on Your promises. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for hope and love. Most of all, thank you for LOVE.

Light vs Dark - Peace vs Fear

I'm still exploring this thought that God is in the darkness too. We hear "God is light" so much that we overlook that He also is in the darkness (duh). The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. Exodus 20:21 There is no darkness in God but He may be found in the darkness. Let me see if I can explain - honestly, I'm writing this somewhat in an effort to come to terms with the dream I had recently.

Dream: I've had other dreams about alligators and they represent the 'deceivers'. In previous dreams, the 'deceivers' were revealed and I knew they had already been conquered though the evidence hadn't yet been seen. But in this dream, I could see the alligators a distance away from me and it was fully daylight. I knew there was enough distance between us. They were moving around some. I felt safe. Then it became dark. And I couldn't see. I couldn't be sure if I was hearing them move or not. And I was afraid. Really, heart racing SCARED. Then I woke up. Somewhere from a recent scripture reading I remembered a verse about God coming out of the darkness to bring light (haven't located that scripture again - yet). As I lay there waiting for my heartbeat to slow down, I realized that even in that horrible darkness, God was present and He would keep me safe from the alligators (deceivers).

This has made me think more and more about darkness. First, I know we aren't to act on our own but only following the lead of the Holy Spirit. However, are we missing being obedient to follow Him because it appears to be leading us into darkness? You know, uncharted territory, reaching the lepers, going into the streets, speaking truth to the cults. If we are to be light to the world, doesn't that mean trusting Him when He says "Go"? Its as if we are waiting for Him to light up the darkness first and then we will follow Him. He has given us His light. He asks us to join Him in lighting the way, not necessarily follow His light. Does that make sense? I'm not finding the exact words to convey what I'm experiencing. I'll say again that I know we aren't to run ahead of God into the darkness but I think we are missing hearing His heart because we are waiting until it is light to move forward. He showed me in the dream that HE is present even in the darkness and I don't need to fear. Just be obedient and listen for HIM, not the alligators:).

I've had another dream but probably won't write about it. The one thing I know from this dream is that calling on the name of Jesus is calling on the Deliverer! And that's good enough for me.

I don't believe all dreams have some prophetic meaning. I do believe this is a way that God may choose to speak to you for encouragement and shaping. He is not the author of nightmares!