Friday, November 19, 2010

Communicating is one of the most difficult lessons of life. If the cave men/women really communicated primarily in grunts and gestures, I think I would like to return to that time. Then when there is a communication failure, a million words aren't used to defend, explain, justify, persuade, apologize or restate the facts. Instead of creating a brain knot with words, you simply
C L U B
them until you are done communicating.

Oh, there are days or at least moments in a day, that I know my DNA is from the Friend bloodline.
I miss my Daddy!

Monday, October 18, 2010

I Will Trust You

Steven Curtis Chapman's CD "Beauty Will Rise" has several songs that wreck my heart - in a good way. Even in the deepest depth of pain, God is faithful, we can trust Him and Spring is Coming.
You know how you have to choose to forgive even if you don't feel like forgiving yet? Then when you choose to forgive, the feeling begins to follow. That same action applies to other emotions too. When you choose to speak trust and faith, you are choosing to believe in not just what you know but in who He is and He is faithful. I know in my flesh that things aren't what they could be and not what I think they should be BUT when I choose to believe Him, I begin to experience what it is to trust. Even when I don't see the end, I'll just have to wait, knowing God is in control because spring is coming. (Okay, I just had a little fun thrown in w/ my melancholy because I worked several of the song titles into this paragraph. This is how I know I'm going to be okay - a little silly humor begins to rise up through the tears.)

I don't even wanna breathe right now
All I wanna do is close my eyes
But I don't wanna open them again
Until I'm standing on the other side

I don't even wanna be right now
I don't wanna think another thought
And I don't wanna feel this pain I feel
And right now, pain is all I've got

It feels like it's all I've got, but I know it's not
No, I know You're all I've got
And I will trust You, I'll trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand, even then I will say again
You are my God, and I will trust You

God, I'm longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I'm looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true
I know I will see You
But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You
And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks

I will trust You
I will trust You
And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again

God, I trust You
I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You, God, I do
Even when I can't see the end
And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

I will trust You, I will trust You, I will
I know Your heart is good,
Your love is strong,
Your plans for me are better than my own
Yeah, Your heart is good
Your love is strong
Your plans for me are better than my own
And I trust You
You are my God
And I will trust You

Thursday, September 30, 2010

WORDS

Red boxing gloves, crown of wisdom, woman of influence, three paths all the right direction, know you can juggle, trust impressions and speak them out, stop asking for what you already have, finally believing and hoping this is the next leg of the journey to destiny.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Are We There Yet?

Another layer. Seriously, some of these layers are of the same material so why can't I get them off all at once and be done. I know, I know, His timing and planning is perfect and all for my good. Still, I think what frustrates me is that I think I'm free of something holding me back, I am ready to move forward when suddenly there is another layer to be removed. When I'm thinking rationally I know that I don't want to try to move forward if I'm tethered to a hindrance. But my heart burns...
The year of 'suddenlies', the year of 'increase', the year of .......

I'm not there yet but I so want to be...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Endurance

Yesterday I was being productive going from one task to another, not really finishing any of them before moving on but I did keep coming back to the unfinished. So, all of the partially completed tasks is really quite similar to the conversation I was having with God. Sometimes it was more of a questioning dialogue than an exchange. Not that the conversation ended with answers - see, no completion. In fact, if anything what I learned is there is to be more stripping of layers and revealing new Kingdom work. At one point I was very close to telling my God that I just couldn't do this anymore but the Holy Spirit reminded me before I spoke those words that it wasn't me doing it anyway so be quiet. He's gotten pretty bold with me lately. He probably has to be that way to keep my attention focused in the right direction.

So soon after this Q & A session with God, I received a phone call asking if we could a meet with another couple that are experiencing a family heart break. "Oh, geeez, Lord, where are you going with this?" The time with this couple was amazing. As we talked and later prayed, it became evident that God has a much bigger plan for us than we could have ever imagined. And quite frankly, not a plan that I really want to move forward with because it cuts deep and I so want to be done with the cutting and stripping. Did Jesus have those same thoughts when his flesh was being ripped off by those whips? Did He what to drop those wooden beams and stop climbing the hill? Did He quit giving His life for me because it wasn't what He wanted to do? No. He finished. And with His help, I want to be like Him. I want to finish whatever He calls me to.

I realize this post is vague in details. Nevertheless, please ask Him to give us wisdom, patience, revelation, favor and ENDURANCE to finish. Thank you.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Title change

It's been a journey and it isn't over but a destination has been arrived at from where the next leg of the journey pushes off. I realize I didn't have this journey mapped out for the shortest route or my blog title would have read differently to start with...maybe "God's Daughter and a Momma Forever"...at this point it doesn't matter. I have discovered being His daughter and committing my focus to that relationship helps align all other relationships and positions in life. Well, duh, you say. After all that is exactly what Mt 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." What can I say? Apparently I needed to wander in the dessert on this journey awhile in order to appreciate the Promise Land and the One who promised it.

This life adventure is hard sometimes. Yet the journey is also exciting. The unknowns, the blessings, the miracles, the lessons learned. I've learned to sit and know that He is God and to allow Him to be just that - God. One who doesn't need my assistance. However, He made me a doer, an active person and He has called me to be active even in the learning to be still. No, that doesn't make a lot of sense but then again, God's thinking and ways don't line up with our natural minds often.

If I couldn't serve Him, I would stagnate, wither and die. Faith without works is death. Work without faith is worthless. To know the balance is a sign of maturity in Him. That's where this destination meets the next leg of the journey. I'm ready, Lord. Let's go.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

3 Point Landing

How does a 3 point landing look? Well, it looks better than a crash landing and not quite as good as coming in on your feet. It actually means your tandem partner's feet touched first, then your tailbone and then his tailbone. I think we were coming in a little too fast and his feet slipped in front rather than take a full impact which might have hurt him. It's all okay though. I went into this skydiving experience with an open spirit to whatever He would show me. The lesson is this: You place your trust in Him, you give Him all control and know in your deepest spirit that the end will be okay. The surprise twist to the lesson is that giving Him all control and complete trust doesn't guarantee a perfect landing. The tailbone (or whatever) may get bruised, you will feel a little pain and life will still go on. The pain gets easier but the fact that the landing wasn't what you planned doesn't change. Life goes on. You can choose to replay the landing over and over and choose to focus on the bruised tailbone. Or your life can go on. If I've chosen to give Him my all, then I'm going to also chose for life to go on. Jesus came to give me life and life abundantly. A less than stellar landing isn't going to rob me of that life. The One who made the heavens and the earth has a plan and I'm gonna stick to it with Him!

Friday, June 18, 2010

I'm Jumping

Yes, the title describes what I'll be doing tomorrow. I'm jumping from an airplane. Fortunately, through great planning on my husband's part, I will be attached to an experienced skydiver who will be in charge of knowing when to pull the chord and how to steer us safely - and gently - to the ground.
Why, you might ask, have I made this decision to skydive. Well, to start with it was a couple of casual comments I made about wanting to do this someday and my husband, who loves to give surprises, taking the idea and running with it. Now that I've had time to think about the actual event, I am amazed that I am not nervous or worried. In fact, my prayer is that I will fully enjoy every second of this and not miss the joy of the adventure. You see, God has brought me through a season of dying to control and learning to trust God more fully. Just as the act of baptism is a public demonstration of accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord, this jump is my demonstration of learning to let go and let God.
Whenever I'm in an airplane, I love the window seat and spend a good part of the trip with my face pressed against the glass. Sometimes you are above the clouds and that is all you see - yet I see it as glorious. Then when you can catch some of the landscape below, I realize how large this universe is and how small we are and marvel at how much He loves and knows us.
So tomorrow, I plan on enjoying not having to press my face against the glass while I experience His marvelous creation and all that He has created me for. I'm going to rest & trust in His Almighty arms - then fly like an eagle...and land like a graceful ballerina (or something - couldn't think of what would be graceful and I'm planning on a gently, graceful landing!!!!)
The rest of the vacation is just as amazing! I'll write about it when we return. All I can say is that my husband went above and beyond in his planning and thinking outside the box.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Spring Colors

I love the colors of spring. But today it is rainy and it makes for a gray-blue day. Then I realized that life is like that. There are beautiful spring days with new growth, new colors, new shapes and then some rain must fall or the beauty would die. How does this thought transfer to life? Is it in the gray-blue that we stop to recognize where the real joy lies in the colors of spring? No, God, You might be doing something here but honestly, I like the spring days of warm weather, green grass and new flowers. Can it please be dryer weather tomorrow? And mostly sunny. Maybe You think I'm not done wandering in the dessert but I think I'm more than ready to cross into the Promise Land. How's that for positive thinking???

"I'm not going to take the position of victim any longer. I'm raising my voice with a war cry and claiming victory. I will not be oppressed but will be triumphant." Someone remind me of this if I get whiny again:) :)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Tell me Why???

Can someone tell me why it is when you KNOW you are in a vulnerable state, you look at the one thing you KNOW will attempt to push you over the edge? Seriously, it astounds me how we can self-inflict our own pain sometimes. I could be talking about being on a diet and walking down the candy aisle. I might be talking about grieving the loss of a loved one and walking into their room. What I really need to do right now is quit talking (typing) and start praising the One who can redeem all hurt into a testimony that glorifies Him and THAT IS WHAT THIS NEEDS TO BE ABOUT.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Written a few weeks ago but the waves continue, the tide still pulls, the victory still remains standing and it will be okay because He has said so.

Tsunami

I knew it was coming. In my spirit I knew there was another wave of evil heading toward me. I kept my eyes on the Commander of this war and continued to ask Him to help me see what He sees. I held tight the promises He spoke from His Word and through friends, songs and others’ testimonies. The wave hit, battered me, took my breath, sand in my face…but it did not pull me under and out to the depths of the evil sea. There are unexpected after waves still strong enough to pull me in and under. The waters have not calmed and it may be a long, long stormy season. I must continue to tell the storm that my God is bigger than it. I must continue to tell my God that I KNOW He is bigger than the storm. I must continue to proclaim victory where I do not see the finish. I must be ready for the celebration - the rejoicing – of His perfect plan unveiling more of the masterpiece. The waves will leave treasures on the shore to be discovered and collected into a beautiful display of his creative artwork.

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Perfect Parent

Why do we carry so much guilt for what we didn't do perfect as a parent? We did what we knew to do or thought should be done. Maybe we now realize there were other ways to parent but who is to say how that would affect the end result anyway. We CAN say that we loved each of our children completely. And that is all that we need to be confident in.
After all, our Heavenly Father is the PERFECT parent. His love surpasses our ability to love. He is Holy. He IS Sovereign. He made the plans. And He sees His children stray away every day. And He rejoices when they return to Him. I'm praying for the invitation to the prodigal son's party. Until then I will set my eyes on Him alone for He is MY PERFECT PARENT.

Monday, March 1, 2010

So I wrote a blog in my head last night as I was trying to fall asleep and I remember thinking it was pretty good - so this morning I can't even remember what it was about - not at all! That has happened before and I figure it was either too lame to remember anyway or God took those thoughts from me because He had already worked it out for me. If I could remember what it was about, I might know if it was lame or a God-thing.

So instead, I'll share about a dream that I had some time ago. I'm always taking notes during church which I do for several reasons. One, it keeps me focused on the message instead of looking around church and thinking "Oh, there's Joy. She has a new haircut." And it helps me capture the main points - sometimes capturing thoughts that don't pertain to the message but good thoughts nevertheless. Well, truthfully, there have been times I've written a list of to-do's so I'll quit thinking about them.

So in this particular dream, I'm trying to capture the profound statement(s) that are being made about the topic of Justice and Judgment. I even am bold enough to ask that the statements are repeated. I'm trying to write it down and just CAN'T capture the profoundness. I wake up frustrated to pieces. I can't remember a word of the message, only that it was on Justice and Judgment. I thought about that dream for 2 days. Standing in my living room on the second day, God simply spoke "It's not for you to understand Justice and Judgment. They are mine. Butt out." Okay, He didn't say "Butt out" but I added it because it makes this writing more entertaining. (maybe) I can't tell you how many times since that revelation that I have been able to set back and say to myself "Butt out." (See, I told you that helped this blog post.) I think before I wanted to understand because I wanted to protect someone from justice &/or judgment. I wanted to execute justice &/or judgment. I don't even 'want to' anymore. Oh, I still want to understand more of God and how He works but from a different perspective now.

It continues to be an amazing, and often hard, process as God prunes me but I feel the sap rising and spring coming. Could there be blossoms in the future days? Praying so and praying for a bountiful crop that is harvested for His glory.