"Stop It"

"Stop It", said like a little kid that doesn't like what is happening.  That's what I feel often during this h.o.l.i.d.a.y season. 
H - Hurry and I do mean everything is a hurry
O - Overwhelmed with the 'must do list' and 'want to list'
L - Lost in the chaos and rush, where's our focus on the reason for the season
I - Idols of all kinds emerge; traditions, family expectations, decorations, food
D - Depression, the blue feeling of knowing you can't create the perfect holiday you have in your head
A - Anger at myself because I can't do it all
Y - Ya'll, let's get over this and on the count of three, shout "Stop It".

One, Two, Three...STOP IT

Trying To Be Still

It's just not a good sign that I'm awake in the middle of the night.  Not a good sign for how I'm feeling now and not a good sign for how I'll feel later in the day.  Two sentences and I've used the word 'good' twice.  Actually I've referred to good with "not" in front of it.  If something isn't "good" then does that make it "bad"?  Only God has the ultimate defining purpose of good.  And anything He purposes will have its "good" in its time.  I'm talking/thinking in circles trying to hear Him in this.  "THIS" encompasses more than I can put into words.  Mostly I'm trying to not be hurt, not be angry, not be fearful, not fall apart, not blame, and not allow the words bubbling through my emotions a voice.  Jesus is the Word and He gives life.  The words in my head are not life giving.  They are truth.  They are how I feel.  However, I doubt they would have any impact other than negative if spoken.  So I'm typing - but still can't put the words down - someone may read them.  I know there is only One who can hear these words and take what I have to say, still love me, can forgive me, can shoulder the emotions. The frustration, the disappointment, the hurt, the anger, it is all too much for me.  Trying to be still...

I Know....but...

First lesson:  I understand that I must let others seek revelation and use discernment for their own actions and reactions to situations.  Even knowing this doesn't lessen the perception I have of the hurt feelings, my own included.  It doesn't lessen the hardship of seeing someone struggle.  I am learning to use these perceptions to fuel my intercession for the person/situation.  A part of this lesson is brushing my palms together as I release my hold on anyone/anything and leave it at the feet of my unfailing, neverending Almighty God.

Another lesson:  When I'm resentful (I'm being honest here) of what I don't have because I've made a choice to sacrifice my 'wants' for someone else's 'wants', I can ask myself if I'm taking care of what I DO have.  When I focus on taking care of what I already have, it is amazing how much shinier it looks all of a sudden.  Not giving up on what I want.  Just laying down the resentment....well, getting there anyway. 

Last lesson for the day (it's only 2pm, there might be more of course):  It's perfectly admissible to speak into another person's life in the very area you are struggling with!  I know the scripture that talks about 'splinter vs. log' so I'm not talking about judgment and sin.  I'm saying someone recently spoke to me with words that they knew applied to them as well and were life giving to me.  I wasn't thrilled at first.  I wanted to stay in my bad mood, feeling resentment, feeling disappointed in others, feeling pity.  I was choosing that attitude.  A few loving words of encouragement couldn't be denied for long if I gave them even a tiny opening.  My attitude is better, it's in process at least.   I'm praying the person who spoke those words will give the small tiny opening and benefit from their own words.  Because truly, the Words were from Christ anyway.

May the rest of the day unfold new found joy and peace to you.