Friday, May 17, 2013

Trying To Be Still

It's just not a good sign that I'm awake in the middle of the night.  Not a good sign for how I'm feeling now and not a good sign for how I'll feel later in the day.  Two sentences and I've used the word 'good' twice.  Actually I've referred to good with "not" in front of it.  If something isn't "good" then does that make it "bad"?  Only God has the ultimate defining purpose of good.  And anything He purposes will have its "good" in its time.  I'm talking/thinking in circles trying to hear Him in this.  "THIS" encompasses more than I can put into words.  Mostly I'm trying to not be hurt, not be angry, not be fearful, not fall apart, not blame, and not allow the words bubbling through my emotions a voice.  Jesus is the Word and He gives life.  The words in my head are not life giving.  They are truth.  They are how I feel.  However, I doubt they would have any impact other than negative if spoken.  So I'm typing - but still can't put the words down - someone may read them.  I know there is only One who can hear these words and take what I have to say, still love me, can forgive me, can shoulder the emotions. The frustration, the disappointment, the hurt, the anger, it is all too much for me.  Trying to be still...

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