Empty...I can't figure out how this gauge works. Seems like I'm getting on down the road of life okay when suddenly, the tank is empty again. I've collected quite a few gas cans these last weeks with God's Truth in them (thank you, friends). Tonight though, tonight the gauge is stuck on empty.

Had a friend at church a couple of months ago come over to me to offer to pray with me as she sensed I might be angry at God. I wasn't. In fact, at the time I might have been frustrated with His timing but could see Him at work in many areas of our lives.

Tonight though, tonight I'm angry at God. I wouldn't allow myself that anger last night when Ralph told me my kitten was dead. I looked at the cat whose neck had been broken by our dog and could only think "seriously, God, are you kidding me?" This silly little creature was a comfort from my childhood. It was becoming more and more of a companion who recognized my voice and followed me around the house. And now Mo is no more. Seriously, God, it was such a small thing to let me have in the midst of the rest of life.

Don't mean to discount the support of friends and family and their prayers. But tonight, I'm not okay. I've waited and prayed for years that my son would be free from his rebellion toward authority, his anger, his resentment aimed at his parents for anything. His choosing others over his family. And now he has chosen to be a part of the LDS cult. And now he wants to be kind and loving toward me. And I don't know how to receive it because it is driven by a false teaching and deceptive spirit. I can't rejoice in the very thing I have wanted for these last years. I love him so much and am afraid for him. God, I don't understand how you want me to walk through this. I don't want to fail anymore and indeed I feel like a huge failure. I don't want to give the enemy a foothold into the rest of our lives. I don't want to drive our son further away from the truth. But mostly, tonight, I don't want to do this at all. I am tired of the deceiver coming after my children. It was hard enough the first time. Seriously, God, again?

I wanted a kitty. I don't want another one. I can't keep losing because my tank is empty and I don't even want to refill it tonight.

sorry for a pity post...realize there are many hurting in our circle of family and friends and I am being self-centered...my thought are not on God's truth but are angry at God...should be praising Him for all the goodness there is regardless of the depth of darkness...thank you, God for my husband and children...thank you for my killer dog...thank you my brother got to go home from the hospital...thank you for giving me a good's night sleep tonight (trying to be positive)