(So this post isn't cryptic, which can be irritating!, I'll state upfront that it is about having Branden with us and the questions of what's next and how do we handle so much unknown....)
When you read the story of the Prodigal Son returning home, you witness the love of his Father welcoming him with open arms and having a celebration party in his honor. It's what you don't read that I want to know more about. How do you process through the years (or however long) of a different lifestyle, different expectations, different habits, differentness to then understand what the outlook for the future is? What did the son expect, desire, when he returned? Was he able to look at his life 10 years down the road or had he been existing in the muck day by day for survival so long that he didn't know how to look forward anymore. It would be nice to believe that the father's love would be enough to overcome whatever baggage came home with the son. And I know the Heavenly Father's love is enough....what I fear is that my love isn't enough. Breathe deep, Deb. It isn't about me. I will sacrifice, I will hurt, I will deal with my own fear and defeat. I will....remember that He is "I Am".
Truthfully I wanted this to be easy!!! I wanted my love to be enough. While it hasn't been hard so far, it is facing changes. Amazing what a paycheck can do to a person's behavior. Old networks are being re-established - is that good or bad? Don't know for sure yet. Am trying to not speak negative to his decisions or behaviors but I'm not naive of his past and know the strong pull the enemy has on him. If President Obama had a 'bail out' plan for parents of prodigals, I'd consider the deal right now. I'm having to take serious measure of the potential cost and I'm finding myself feeling pretty selfish and wanting to protect myself from the heart break. Enough of that! Instead of that kind of talk, let me simply ask you to pray for wisdom for us, protection over all, God to show Himself to Branden in a way that draws him into the light and out of the darkness, and that we will have a celebration again and again over a life changed - radically - for Jesus.
..."For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2Cor. 12:10
praying...it is so hard sometimes...God loves us in so many ways...sometimes mercy, sometimes being pruned...knowing His way to love others isn't easy.
ReplyDeleteLove isn't easy.
ReplyDeleteHe will give you strength.