Written a few weeks ago but the waves continue, the tide still pulls, the victory still remains standing and it will be okay because He has said so.

Tsunami

I knew it was coming. In my spirit I knew there was another wave of evil heading toward me. I kept my eyes on the Commander of this war and continued to ask Him to help me see what He sees. I held tight the promises He spoke from His Word and through friends, songs and others’ testimonies. The wave hit, battered me, took my breath, sand in my face…but it did not pull me under and out to the depths of the evil sea. There are unexpected after waves still strong enough to pull me in and under. The waters have not calmed and it may be a long, long stormy season. I must continue to tell the storm that my God is bigger than it. I must continue to tell my God that I KNOW He is bigger than the storm. I must continue to proclaim victory where I do not see the finish. I must be ready for the celebration - the rejoicing – of His perfect plan unveiling more of the masterpiece. The waves will leave treasures on the shore to be discovered and collected into a beautiful display of his creative artwork.

The Perfect Parent

Why do we carry so much guilt for what we didn't do perfect as a parent? We did what we knew to do or thought should be done. Maybe we now realize there were other ways to parent but who is to say how that would affect the end result anyway. We CAN say that we loved each of our children completely. And that is all that we need to be confident in.
After all, our Heavenly Father is the PERFECT parent. His love surpasses our ability to love. He is Holy. He IS Sovereign. He made the plans. And He sees His children stray away every day. And He rejoices when they return to Him. I'm praying for the invitation to the prodigal son's party. Until then I will set my eyes on Him alone for He is MY PERFECT PARENT.

So I wrote a blog in my head last night as I was trying to fall asleep and I remember thinking it was pretty good - so this morning I can't even remember what it was about - not at all! That has happened before and I figure it was either too lame to remember anyway or God took those thoughts from me because He had already worked it out for me. If I could remember what it was about, I might know if it was lame or a God-thing.

So instead, I'll share about a dream that I had some time ago. I'm always taking notes during church which I do for several reasons. One, it keeps me focused on the message instead of looking around church and thinking "Oh, there's Joy. She has a new haircut." And it helps me capture the main points - sometimes capturing thoughts that don't pertain to the message but good thoughts nevertheless. Well, truthfully, there have been times I've written a list of to-do's so I'll quit thinking about them.

So in this particular dream, I'm trying to capture the profound statement(s) that are being made about the topic of Justice and Judgment. I even am bold enough to ask that the statements are repeated. I'm trying to write it down and just CAN'T capture the profoundness. I wake up frustrated to pieces. I can't remember a word of the message, only that it was on Justice and Judgment. I thought about that dream for 2 days. Standing in my living room on the second day, God simply spoke "It's not for you to understand Justice and Judgment. They are mine. Butt out." Okay, He didn't say "Butt out" but I added it because it makes this writing more entertaining. (maybe) I can't tell you how many times since that revelation that I have been able to set back and say to myself "Butt out." (See, I told you that helped this blog post.) I think before I wanted to understand because I wanted to protect someone from justice &/or judgment. I wanted to execute justice &/or judgment. I don't even 'want to' anymore. Oh, I still want to understand more of God and how He works but from a different perspective now.

It continues to be an amazing, and often hard, process as God prunes me but I feel the sap rising and spring coming. Could there be blossoms in the future days? Praying so and praying for a bountiful crop that is harvested for His glory.

Computer crashed last week, lost files (will have an external drive set-up soon so that can't happen again!!!). Learning to use a new computer and re-create business folders, etc. Have a cough/congestion like I've never had before. The last time I was very sick was pneumonia almost 15 years ago. Discovered I become a whiner by the end of the day - poor Ralph. Have made a couple of trips to an ICU in the city to see a friend who will either be healed by a miracle of God or draw his last breath any day. That brings with it a lot of ministry opportunity with his family and girlfriend. Am grateful for His grace in all of this. Kids will all be somewhere else for New Year's eve this year. I'm tired and think I will sleep the old year out and the New Year in....it can happen without me being awake. So, what have I learned in 2009? God can handle the affairs of the universe without me. I've resigned my Assistant to God title and am enjoying the severance package very much. I can rest and be content in the position of servant. The benefit package is just as good, maybe better, than trying to be Assistant anyway:). However, the next major lesson has been how to embrace what God has given us through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us and through us. We keep asking God for things He has already imparted to us - when are we going to use those gifts? Don't you find that with your children sometimes - "I showed you how to make good decisions, do laundry, stretch your dollar; when are you going to use what I've shown you?". To have the patience of our Heavenly Father.
Happy New Year to all. May 2010 bring enough to meet your needs and blessings unexpected.

To Do List

To Do List:
Be quiet with Him.
sort thru medical paperwork
type up invoices
make bank deposit
move food from garage frig to kitchen frig
Do you know what the Italian word for refrigerator is?
Icaboxa.
Take Dawn to the Food Pantry
Take Dawn to Walmart to buy her vacuum from the church
Buy my own groceries while at Walmart
Dinner???
Put up the Christmas tree - can't even think of other decorations right now.
Wrap presents.
buy more presents
Christmas cards - scratch that - it will be a New Year's letter at this point
Help a family move from up north somewhere to H'v
Go to a Christmas party
Be quiet with Him
And if you just read all of this nonsense, I'm sorry. The only thing of value in any of it might have been doing something with my friend Dawn, a corny joke and the reminder that we all need quiet time with Him. Have some - now - sitting right where you are - be there long enough you "know in your knower" that He is there - then be confident that He will be wherever you are going next. If I didn't know that, I'd curl up and quit.

No Difference

Nothing to say that makes a difference.

Not all is Lost

Not because I think anyone out there in blog world has been worried about the photo album I couldn't find, or looking for my mislocated MP3 cord or has been concerned for my inability to 'be still' but here's the latest news. The photo album appeared in the very spot I had looked previously. I opened an email from Amazon and there were accessories for MP3s that included exactly what I needed (on order to be delivered soon!) and for the quiet mind, well, there's still a lot of chaos in that small space but He is bringing order to it more each day and I know He is with me. I don't know what He will do with me but that's okay. I'm busy untying the knot in my tail from all the whirling and twirling I get myself into by not keeping my focus on Him. "He who is in me is bigger than he who is in the world!" Amen.