I Want Love To Be Enough

(So this post isn't cryptic, which can be irritating!, I'll state upfront that it is about having Branden with us and the questions of what's next and how do we handle so much unknown....)

When you read the story of the Prodigal Son returning home, you witness the love of his Father welcoming him with open arms and having a celebration party in his honor. It's what you don't read that I want to know more about. How do you process through the years (or however long) of a different lifestyle, different expectations, different habits, differentness to then understand what the outlook for the future is? What did the son expect, desire, when he returned? Was he able to look at his life 10 years down the road or had he been existing in the muck day by day for survival so long that he didn't know how to look forward anymore. It would be nice to believe that the father's love would be enough to overcome whatever baggage came home with the son. And I know the Heavenly Father's love is enough....what I fear is that my love isn't enough. Breathe deep, Deb. It isn't about me. I will sacrifice, I will hurt, I will deal with my own fear and defeat. I will....remember that He is "I Am".
Truthfully I wanted this to be easy!!! I wanted my love to be enough. While it hasn't been hard so far, it is facing changes. Amazing what a paycheck can do to a person's behavior. Old networks are being re-established - is that good or bad? Don't know for sure yet. Am trying to not speak negative to his decisions or behaviors but I'm not naive of his past and know the strong pull the enemy has on him. If President Obama had a 'bail out' plan for parents of prodigals, I'd consider the deal right now. I'm having to take serious measure of the potential cost and I'm finding myself feeling pretty selfish and wanting to protect myself from the heart break. Enough of that! Instead of that kind of talk, let me simply ask you to pray for wisdom for us, protection over all, God to show Himself to Branden in a way that draws him into the light and out of the darkness, and that we will have a celebration again and again over a life changed - radically - for Jesus.
..."For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2Cor. 12:10

5 am - who knew?

I think God is funny in how he works us....I've never liked early mornings! Well, the few times I did get up early I thought "this is a cool time of the day" but was pretty sure it would lose its coolness if I did it all the time. So what does life look like for Ralph and I these days? One of us is getting up at 5:10 to take Branden to work. Yes, he now has a full time job with the trash company. I have new appreciation for those men who pick up our trash. It's quite a physical workout and far from a clean job. But you know, I think there is a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day knowing you have worked hard and moved a lot of trash. Some of us move trash around all day in our head and never get anything accomplished:). Anyway, I'm learning to stay up when I get back from delivering him and starting on my daily devotions.....or get on the computer:).

Our church has had a prayer/fast week. I've not done a full fasting and feel a little guilty because many who are attending have been very faithful in a full fast. The prayer meetings each night have been a blessing. Since I don't feel prayer is a gifting of mine, though it is a universal responsibility, I love to hear the hearts of those prayer warriors who seem to know how to break through speaking truth over a situation. I can 'agree' with the best of them :). Last night was a night to specifically focus on spiritual strongholds and I left there with a gratefulness for this church who sought forgiveness, reconciliation and healing for offenses that had happened in the past. The church made a major shift in direction/focus this last year and there apparently was some discontent in either the shift or how it was presented or something. I don't need to know nor what to know what those offenses were. I appreciated the humbleness to seek healing in that area. And the prayer was lifted to break the 'spirit of religion'. That spirit that gets too full of its self and becomes arrogant. I did appreciate the side note that this didn't mean the church was getting soft on standing on the Truth of His Word. Anyway, what I was hearing was lining up with what God has been showing me about churches and personal relationships with God.

Have the churches moved away from what God intended them to be? As soon as those walls are formed, there come the rules of acceptance and approval. Some one, some where is sitting in the judgment seat determining if you are a good church member or not. Strip the walls away again and focus on the 'cornerstone'...the relationship with Jesus. I'm talking out loud and probably not making much sense because I continue to mull these thoughts around as God sorts them out to me.

Here's a question for you to answer so I'll have some comments and my ego will be feed that someone reads my posts:) :) :) :
If you could star in a movie, would it be drama, mystery, romance, intense action or comedy and can you give it a title?

Went to a Women of Faith conference this last weekend. While having a conversation with a couple of other women, I asked the question "if you could have any job or be anyone in the world, what would it be?". Even though I asked the question, I didn't have an answer at the time. Then it dawned on me....I want to be Patsy Clairmont or Chonda Pierce. One of those comedian ladies that can be so real with life yet put a humorous twist to it ending with a nugget of spiritual wisdom. In honor of my new idol, Patsy Clairmont, I will share with you something I learned from her this weekend. Her husband told her she was bossy, her two sons confirmed their father's opinion. Patsy, on the other hand, told them that she wasn't bossy but that she had 'giftedness of instruction'. The next 'spiritual gift' test that I take better have that one listed:).

All is going well with our recent addition of a resident. He still doesn't have a full time job but is managing some work here and there. Today is a job of hard labor, tearing off a barn roof and replacing it. I don't know how many days the work will last but I think it will be good, hard work and he is with a Christian man who has a heart to connect with him. It would be great to be able to post that we've made great strides in the areas of his life that aren't where I'd hope they were but honestly, God has given Ralph & I a peace about taking this slowly, celebrating whatever baby steps are taken. Sometimes Branden is very quiet and distant. Other times, he is very engaged in what's going on around him. When he is silent, I wonder what he's dealing with so I'll leave him alone and simply pray for God to capture his thoughts. He caught me at a very busy time the other day and wanted to talk.....so we did....the work got done in time though I had a little stress behind the scenes:).

Spring weather is here today and I'm at the computer. Something is wrong with that picture so I'm outta here.....