Light vs Dark - Peace vs Fear

I'm still exploring this thought that God is in the darkness too. We hear "God is light" so much that we overlook that He also is in the darkness (duh). The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. Exodus 20:21 There is no darkness in God but He may be found in the darkness. Let me see if I can explain - honestly, I'm writing this somewhat in an effort to come to terms with the dream I had recently.

Dream: I've had other dreams about alligators and they represent the 'deceivers'. In previous dreams, the 'deceivers' were revealed and I knew they had already been conquered though the evidence hadn't yet been seen. But in this dream, I could see the alligators a distance away from me and it was fully daylight. I knew there was enough distance between us. They were moving around some. I felt safe. Then it became dark. And I couldn't see. I couldn't be sure if I was hearing them move or not. And I was afraid. Really, heart racing SCARED. Then I woke up. Somewhere from a recent scripture reading I remembered a verse about God coming out of the darkness to bring light (haven't located that scripture again - yet). As I lay there waiting for my heartbeat to slow down, I realized that even in that horrible darkness, God was present and He would keep me safe from the alligators (deceivers).

This has made me think more and more about darkness. First, I know we aren't to act on our own but only following the lead of the Holy Spirit. However, are we missing being obedient to follow Him because it appears to be leading us into darkness? You know, uncharted territory, reaching the lepers, going into the streets, speaking truth to the cults. If we are to be light to the world, doesn't that mean trusting Him when He says "Go"? Its as if we are waiting for Him to light up the darkness first and then we will follow Him. He has given us His light. He asks us to join Him in lighting the way, not necessarily follow His light. Does that make sense? I'm not finding the exact words to convey what I'm experiencing. I'll say again that I know we aren't to run ahead of God into the darkness but I think we are missing hearing His heart because we are waiting until it is light to move forward. He showed me in the dream that HE is present even in the darkness and I don't need to fear. Just be obedient and listen for HIM, not the alligators:).

I've had another dream but probably won't write about it. The one thing I know from this dream is that calling on the name of Jesus is calling on the Deliverer! And that's good enough for me.

I don't believe all dreams have some prophetic meaning. I do believe this is a way that God may choose to speak to you for encouragement and shaping. He is not the author of nightmares!

Communicating is one of the most difficult lessons of life. If the cave men/women really communicated primarily in grunts and gestures, I think I would like to return to that time. Then when there is a communication failure, a million words aren't used to defend, explain, justify, persuade, apologize or restate the facts. Instead of creating a brain knot with words, you simply

C L U B

them until you are done communicating.

Oh, there are days or at least moments in a day, that I know my DNA is from the Friend bloodline.
I miss my Daddy!

I Will Trust You

Steven Curtis Chapman's CD "Beauty Will Rise" has several songs that wreck my heart - in a good way. Even in the deepest depth of pain, God is faithful, we can trust Him and Spring is Coming.
You know how you have to choose to forgive even if you don't feel like forgiving yet? Then when you choose to forgive, the feeling begins to follow. That same action applies to other emotions too. When you choose to speak trust and faith, you are choosing to believe in not just what you know but in who He is and He is faithful. I know in my flesh that things aren't what they could be and not what I think they should be BUT when I choose to believe Him, I begin to experience what it is to trust. Even when I don't see the end, I'll just have to wait, knowing God is in control because spring is coming. (Okay, I just had a little fun thrown in w/ my melancholy because I worked several of the song titles into this paragraph. This is how I know I'm going to be okay - a little silly humor begins to rise up through the tears.)

I don't even wanna breathe right now
All I wanna do is close my eyes
But I don't wanna open them again
Until I'm standing on the other side

I don't even wanna be right now
I don't wanna think another thought
And I don't wanna feel this pain I feel
And right now, pain is all I've got

It feels like it's all I've got, but I know it's not
No, I know You're all I've got
And I will trust You, I'll trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand, even then I will say again
You are my God, and I will trust You

God, I'm longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I'm looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true
I know I will see You
But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You
And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks

I will trust You
I will trust You
And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again

God, I trust You
I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You, God, I do
Even when I can't see the end
And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

I will trust You, I will trust You, I will
I know Your heart is good,
Your love is strong,
Your plans for me are better than my own
Yeah, Your heart is good
Your love is strong
Your plans for me are better than my own
And I trust You
You are my God
And I will trust You

WORDS

Red boxing gloves, crown of wisdom, woman of influence, three paths all the right direction, know you can juggle, trust impressions and speak them out, stop asking for what you already have, finally believing and hoping this is the next leg of the journey to destiny.

Are We There Yet?

Another layer. Seriously, some of these layers are of the same material so why can't I get them off all at once and be done. I know, I know, His timing and planning is perfect and all for my good. Still, I think what frustrates me is that I think I'm free of something holding me back, I am ready to move forward when suddenly there is another layer to be removed. When I'm thinking rationally I know that I don't want to try to move forward if I'm tethered to a hindrance. But my heart burns...
The year of 'suddenlies', the year of 'increase', the year of .......

I'm not there yet but I so want to be...

Endurance

Yesterday I was being productive going from one task to another, not really finishing any of them before moving on but I did keep coming back to the unfinished. So, all of the partially completed tasks is really quite similar to the conversation I was having with God. Sometimes it was more of a questioning dialogue than an exchange. Not that the conversation ended with answers - see, no completion. In fact, if anything what I learned is there is to be more stripping of layers and revealing new Kingdom work. At one point I was very close to telling my God that I just couldn't do this anymore but the Holy Spirit reminded me before I spoke those words that it wasn't me doing it anyway so be quiet. He's gotten pretty bold with me lately. He probably has to be that way to keep my attention focused in the right direction.

So soon after this Q & A session with God, I received a phone call asking if we could a meet with another couple that are experiencing a family heart break. "Oh, geeez, Lord, where are you going with this?" The time with this couple was amazing. As we talked and later prayed, it became evident that God has a much bigger plan for us than we could have ever imagined. And quite frankly, not a plan that I really want to move forward with because it cuts deep and I so want to be done with the cutting and stripping. Did Jesus have those same thoughts when his flesh was being ripped off by those whips? Did He what to drop those wooden beams and stop climbing the hill? Did He quit giving His life for me because it wasn't what He wanted to do? No. He finished. And with His help, I want to be like Him. I want to finish whatever He calls me to.

I realize this post is vague in details. Nevertheless, please ask Him to give us wisdom, patience, revelation, favor and ENDURANCE to finish. Thank you.

Title change

It's been a journey and it isn't over but a destination has been arrived at from where the next leg of the journey pushes off. I realize I didn't have this journey mapped out for the shortest route or my blog title would have read differently to start with...maybe "God's Daughter and a Momma Forever"...at this point it doesn't matter. I have discovered being His daughter and committing my focus to that relationship helps align all other relationships and positions in life. Well, duh, you say. After all that is exactly what Mt 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." What can I say? Apparently I needed to wander in the dessert on this journey awhile in order to appreciate the Promise Land and the One who promised it.

This life adventure is hard sometimes. Yet the journey is also exciting. The unknowns, the blessings, the miracles, the lessons learned. I've learned to sit and know that He is God and to allow Him to be just that - God. One who doesn't need my assistance. However, He made me a doer, an active person and He has called me to be active even in the learning to be still. No, that doesn't make a lot of sense but then again, God's thinking and ways don't line up with our natural minds often.

If I couldn't serve Him, I would stagnate, wither and die. Faith without works is death. Work without faith is worthless. To know the balance is a sign of maturity in Him. That's where this destination meets the next leg of the journey. I'm ready, Lord. Let's go.