Once a Momma, Always a Momma - But First a Daughter of God

What Have I Ever Done?

2012-02-12T18:48:00.001-06:00

The title of this post is from a song that I know was played in 1974.
What have I ever done, to deserve even one, of the blessings I've had (or something close to that).

Those words pretty much sum up my life. I know the answer is that I've done NOTHING to deserve even one of those blessings. BUT I'm going to embrace each one, be thankful to the One who gave them to me and seek His wisdom on how to be good steward of each one. AND I'm going to praise Him for the blessings yet to come.

Hall Closet Discovered

2012-01-06T15:15:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure how it happened. I was organizing some Christmas boxes and wrapping paper getting ready to put them away for the year when I went to the hall closet and suddenly found myself on a chair pulling boxes and sacks down left and right. Out came the trash bag and in went a LOT of precious things I'd been saving for a long time. I can't remember why I was saving any of it so OUT it went. (Dear family, don't panic, mostly it was wrinkled gift bags and old empty boxes.) After discovering new shelf space at the top of the closet, I worked my way to the hanging clothes and found some great jackets/coats that will keep someone else warm as soon as I get them to the Thrift Store. And then there was the floor of the closet. It can now be said that you can see the floor again. That cleansing process now involves washing the myriad of stocking caps, gloves - both matched and mismatched - to either keep or give away. The problem is I still have all of the Christmas decorations to still be put away. Maybe another day....

Thankful

2011-09-08T08:41:00.000-05:00

Woke up really early this morning and spent some time with a glass of milk and my thanksgiving list. Finished teaching another New Believer's class last night with them giving their testimonies. So wonderful to hear how God has moved in people's lives!

Peeked in on Facebook for awhile which lead me to some family pictures. Fills my heart with joy to remember what this family means to one another. Encourages me to press on in prayer believing He has even more for this family. My desire is that we ALL serve Him and my fantasy is that we even serve together once in awhile. How cool would that be?

Am finding myself a little weary in a few areas. Just can't seem to get caught up on the housework - I plane don't like doing it - and the clutter that needs cleared away isn't getting any better. Having an extra person living with us has gone fairly well other than it is another person living with us. One more person to buy groceries for, to work a schedule around, to share a living area and TV with and to clean up after. And really he has shown great initiative to doing things without me having to ask him but there are still those 'things' that aren't done or aren't how I would like them to be. Makes me feel selfish and sometimes petty. I don't want to be that way.

Then again, I've had some great time with Him lately. So I think I will keep my thoughts focused there and be THANKFUL.

Squeegee Hunt

2011-08-15T11:36:00.002-05:00

I've got my bucket, I've got my rock, I'm goin' on a squeegee hunt...

I truly do have all that I need to walk victorious in this life. It's a matter of laying down what isn't necessary or isn't working and picking up the tools that equip me. It's remaining under a true spiritual authority, seeing what He has for me to see, availing myself of the resources (people included) around me and marching forward. He has given me a passion and a call to a certain ministry. He has been fine tuning me and I'm sure has much work left to do (smile) so it's time to press onward. At His pace, with His guidance and in His way. Keeping my eyes on the prize...

And I hope it is a 'squeegee'...

2011-07-07T14:44:00.002-05:00

amazing how easily tears can spring to the eyes...might be the bright sun, or the stinging wind, a sudden surprise, unexpected gift, a melancholy moment, a grieving sadness, sweet embrace, moving song, lovely vision, special memory, a thing hoped for, a date on the calendar...new life, restored life - both precious and to be highly anticipated and celebrated!

It only takes a few...

2011-06-15T12:58:00.003-05:00

So many words spoken, some hold life and some are hurtful. It only takes a few...to change a life. "I'm sorry." "You're forgiven." "I love you." "I appreciate you." "I miss you." "I am blessed to have you in my life." For all of the words that can weigh you down, to be lifted up again only takes a few.

For Keeps

2011-06-13T15:55:00.002-05:00

So in the journey to becoming a family, we've had taken a few turns that doesn't follow the usual course. Early on, we seemed to be the couple that would babysit others kids. In college, we watched Eddie while his mom worked. Ralph taught him to love donuts and Eddie taught Ralph how to wipe his hands on a napkin by rolling it across his chest with one hand, then the other thereby cleaning both hands. Then we helped a family with 3 kids whose mother had an emotional problem. The kids started turning to us more than their mother so we had to step back to allow them to work out being a family unit again. Next we get a call from an ex-neighbor offering us her grandson to adopt. We gave him a home for almost 2 years before playing roulette with the mother and saying either she allowed us to adopt him or she needed to give him a home. We lost. Then followed daughters of our own, Dana and Jody. God had one more surprise for us though in an unexpected pregnancy that brought Ross William Glazner into our lives. On that day I thought, "finally a son that can't be taken away from us". The craziness of this journey is that the young boy we wanted to adopt has been in and out of lives several times and has returned once again. He's about to be 31 and this time I "see" him as a son but also know I have no parental rights - He is truly God's son. And while it feels like 'someone' has taken Ross away, I know the same applies to him - He is truly God's son. Well, gee, I thought this being a mother was "for keeps". I think I'm glad to have figured out Who the real Keeper is but it is taking a while to adjust to the fact that I'm not it. I mean, wouldn't I want God to be the One who "keeps" all my children (and all loved ones) in His hand? Of course, I do!

Learning to figure out where the puts me on the journey. Moving forward, watching for road signs, listening for His voice, trusting that what/where/how all moves me toward what is really "for keeps".

Loving the Prodigals

2011-05-20T10:32:00.003-05:00

I'm learning. Sometimes wonder why I am in this place to be doing this learning. But I am. In fact, guess I kinda asked for it. I've had an ongoing tutoring session with God for several years now on the topic of Love. I recall stating to someone years ago "If I want to love this boy, I have to love his momma." And I tried. In fact, I did love her but I didn't nurture her in a relationship toward God, at least not very well. And now she is in eternity. I can only hope she made a decision that sent her to heaven but I honestly don't know. In those years I thought I could love someone enough to make a difference. Then I discovered my love is limited and conditional and it is exhausting to try to "love enough". God's love is unlimited and unconditional so my next thought was that I needed to love others with His love and allow Him to work through me as He willed. The shortcoming of that idea is that the other person might be influenced by His love through others but they still have a will to choose how to respond to His love. So here I am in what I hope to be the Master Level course on Love. My role in this life is to Love Him. Simply to Love Him. He will direct my steps, will channel His love to flow onto others as He plans, He will sustain and protect me and He will keep me in perfect peace. I must give all of me to Him if I'm to have that perfect peace. Wish it was as easy as it sounds. Well, that sounded negative. But that's where I am right now. Learning to keep my eyes on Him. "Be still and know that I am God."

Don't mean to be cryptic so I'll explain what has motivated this post: Our 'almost son', Branden, is home with us for awhile. There are some who probably have concern with this decision and I understand. However, this was a decision that we didn't make - God did. Branden has come and gone from our lives several times. This time Ralph & I know God brought him here. We don't know anything more than that. And it has to be enough for now. We are asking and trusting God to reveal what is next. We are trusting.

2011-05-16T20:42:00.003-05:00

What is within the spirit - the pureness or corruptness of the spiritual heart - is what shapes the soul - the thinking, feeling, acting which in turns affects the health of the body. If I am full of unforgiveness, it becomes a bitterness that then flavors every thought, feeling and action I have, in particular toward the area from which the bitterness was originally harbored. And those unhealthy emotions and actions begin to tear down my physical body. The stress and anguish change the chemical make-up of my body and begin to break down its optimum performance level.

So, upon learning this anew Sunday, I asked God to show me if there was any hidden bitterness in me. Why did I not think He would answer that prayer and show me exactly what I had asked for?
God has revealed a bitter root and it will have to come out. It's stuck right now but He will help break it up so it is completely removed this time. Once and for all! PTL

Two Contrasts

2011-04-18T07:48:00.002-05:00

KYAC: Thanks to my niece, there is a new acronym in the family vocabulary. She is referring to the treatment her dad, my brother, is receiving to beat this aggressive cancer back into remission. KYAC stands for Kick Your A** Chemo and is warning the cancer cells that they are going to die, die, die. And we are believing that this is exactly what is happening. The effects have been very difficult on my brother especially since this treatment started within 11 days of having 2 brain surgeries. My brother is a strong man and is a fighter. But it is God who is His defender and Healer. I'm praying God will touch his (Fred) life with healing in the spirit and in the physical.

"Himher": Another new word in our family's vocabulary. While we are praying for cells to stop dividing and start dying in Fred's situation, we are praying for healthy cell division to occur in perfect timing for "Himher". That is because this is my first grandbaby's nickname until he/she is born.

Hearing the news of "Himher" is a sweet reminder that God is always moving life forward. We are being created, being refined, being restored, being prepared, being strengthened, being...
always with His hand upon us.

So I've said the one name I don't want my g'babies to call me is Granny. There are a few other names I'd probably not particularly welcome either. But let's face it. Whatever this sweet baby calls me will be grand with me:). We might need to negotiate a little though because the first g'baby gets to establish the name all of the others will call me too. Already there is pressure on being the oldest child.

One life fighting to beat cancer cells then needing to grow healthy cells to thrive. One life creating new cell divisions to grow and thrive. Two different lives in contrast to one another yet both moving forward to live "life abundantly" as He has promised.

I love you, Fred. I love you Himher. I love the One who holds both of you in His hands.

What next, Feddie Boy?

2011-04-07T08:23:00.002-05:00

My oldest brother is 11 years older than me and that alone is enough to set him up as a hero figure in a little sister's eyes. And apparently whatever he asked me to do, I'd do it then ask him "What next, Feddie boy?" There is a family movie at a motel with a swimming pool (what a treat that was!) that even had a slide!!! The picture is grainy and the sound muffled but you can actually hear me ask him that question.

This morning as he is being brought out of a medically induced coma following two brain surgeries yesterday, he is still my hero. But instead of asking him 'what's next', I'd like to show him what's been happening and what is next. I want him to see and hear the prayers that have stormed the heavens on his behalf. I want him to know the One who has heard these prayers and has from His love and mercy been answering those prayers. I want my hero to have a Hero and for him to ask God ''what's next?" .

I'm believing in miracles and I'm asking for changed lives - all for His glory.

Love Beyond the Circumstances

2011-04-05T08:36:00.002-05:00

Many times as I lay in bed I begin to thank God for the many blessings in my life. The bed feels so comfortable, I'm not hungry, I have enough covers to be warm or a fan to be cool, my husband is beside me, my family is healthy, Kirby (the dog) is snoring, I love God and feel His love for me so strongly.
One night as I had these soothing thoughts flowing through my mind, I suddenly had the vision of a small dark skinned girl whose belly was swollen as she lay on the cold ground with only a light cover and realized God loves her just as much as He loves me. It made me realize that I had associated comfort with being loved. What a lie that is! This little girl, a daughter of the King, knew His love and loved Him in return in the midst of some pretty hard circumstances.
"So, God," I asked, "why have you blessed me with so much while she lies there hungry and cold? You love us both enough to give Your life for us. I'm not sure what to do with what You are showing me."
I'm still working out the answer. For one thing, I had to own up to the realization that I still had an unclear view of His love. I was unaware of how much I still associated comfortable circumstances with His love. Oh, I know He loves me even through the hardest of trials. In fact, I feel His love and strength more then because those very trials cause me to press into Him more. But in the physical comfort sense, I felt so blessed - loved - because I didn't struggle there. I would never have thought that my little dark skinned friend was not loved by God just because she was hungry, sick or cold.
This love, God's love, is not a love to be experienced only in the physical. It is a love that connects our soul and spirit with the Living and Loving God. "Man does not live by bread alone." I AM hungry. I am hungry for more of God. Not for more comfort, for more knowledge, for more resources, for more friends though I'll receive all of these things if He gives them to me. But I'm beginning to see that my new friend and I have a need in common that He desires to give us equally - His love.
I think I will remember my new friend, maybe give her a name. I will ask God to pour His love into us, that it would overflow onto others and that they would hunger for more. I hope I meet her someday, at least in heaven. Such an odd way to be talking about someone I know nothing about yet believe God has connected us for a reason. We'll see what that is someday.
God's love is indescribable.

ouch

2011-03-03T14:26:00.002-06:00

It just hit me like a brick. I didn't expect this (do we ever?). My oldest brother is fighting cancer - thank you Viet Nam - for the third time since 2002. One of his options this time is a stem cell transplant from siblings. Of course, I'm willing to give it a try on my part. More than anything I wish I could pass on to him "life everlasting" but that is his to unwrap for himself. What hit me like a brick was that he is my oldest brother. With both parents gone, he is the oldest of my family unit. And we need him around for a lot longer. So, thank you, God for answering the prayer that this cancer will lose once again. I'm thanking You now for the glorious revealing of your divine healing that will be a testimony in this family and for those around them. Thank you that we can stand on Your promises. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for hope and love. Most of all, thank you for LOVE.

Light vs Dark - Peace vs Fear

2011-01-24T09:04:00.002-06:00

I'm still exploring this thought that God is in the darkness too. We hear "God is light" so much that we overlook that He also is in the darkness (duh). The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. Exodus 20:21 There is no darkness in God but He may be found in the darkness. Let me see if I can explain - honestly, I'm writing this somewhat in an effort to come to terms with the dream I had recently.

Dream: I've had other dreams about alligators and they represent the 'deceivers'. In previous dreams, the 'deceivers' were revealed and I knew they had already been conquered though the evidence hadn't yet been seen. But in this dream, I could see the alligators a distance away from me and it was fully daylight. I knew there was enough distance between us. They were moving around some. I felt safe. Then it became dark. And I couldn't see. I couldn't be sure if I was hearing them move or not. And I was afraid. Really, heart racing SCARED. Then I woke up. Somewhere from a recent scripture reading I remembered a verse about God coming out of the darkness to bring light (haven't located that scripture again - yet). As I lay there waiting for my heartbeat to slow down, I realized that even in that horrible darkness, God was present and He would keep me safe from the alligators (deceivers).

This has made me think more and more about darkness. First, I know we aren't to act on our own but only following the lead of the Holy Spirit. However, are we missing being obedient to follow Him because it appears to be leading us into darkness? You know, uncharted territory, reaching the lepers, going into the streets, speaking truth to the cults. If we are to be light to the world, doesn't that mean trusting Him when He says "Go"? Its as if we are waiting for Him to light up the darkness first and then we will follow Him. He has given us His light. He asks us to join Him in lighting the way, not necessarily follow His light. Does that make sense? I'm not finding the exact words to convey what I'm experiencing. I'll say again that I know we aren't to run ahead of God into the darkness but I think we are missing hearing His heart because we are waiting until it is light to move forward. He showed me in the dream that HE is present even in the darkness and I don't need to fear. Just be obedient and listen for HIM, not the alligators:).

I've had another dream but probably won't write about it. The one thing I know from this dream is that calling on the name of Jesus is calling on the Deliverer! And that's good enough for me.

I don't believe all dreams have some prophetic meaning. I do believe this is a way that God may choose to speak to you for encouragement and shaping. He is not the author of nightmares!

2010-11-19T14:44:00.002-06:00

Communicating is one of the most difficult lessons of life. If the cave men/women really communicated primarily in grunts and gestures, I think I would like to return to that time. Then when there is a communication failure, a million words aren't used to defend, explain, justify, persuade, apologize or restate the facts. Instead of creating a brain knot with words, you simply

C L U B

them until you are done communicating.

Oh, there are days or at least moments in a day, that I know my DNA is from the Friend bloodline.
I miss my Daddy!

I Will Trust You

2010-10-18T11:05:00.002-05:00

Steven Curtis Chapman's CD "Beauty Will Rise" has several songs that wreck my heart - in a good way. Even in the deepest depth of pain, God is faithful, we can trust Him and Spring is Coming.
You know how you have to choose to forgive even if you don't feel like forgiving yet? Then when you choose to forgive, the feeling begins to follow. That same action applies to other emotions too. When you choose to speak trust and faith, you are choosing to believe in not just what you know but in who He is and He is faithful. I know in my flesh that things aren't what they could be and not what I think they should be BUT when I choose to believe Him, I begin to experience what it is to trust. Even when I don't see the end, I'll just have to wait, knowing God is in control because spring is coming. (Okay, I just had a little fun thrown in w/ my melancholy because I worked several of the song titles into this paragraph. This is how I know I'm going to be okay - a little silly humor begins to rise up through the tears.)

I don't even wanna breathe right now
All I wanna do is close my eyes
But I don't wanna open them again
Until I'm standing on the other side

I don't even wanna be right now
I don't wanna think another thought
And I don't wanna feel this pain I feel
And right now, pain is all I've got

It feels like it's all I've got, but I know it's not
No, I know You're all I've got
And I will trust You, I'll trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand, even then I will say again
You are my God, and I will trust You

God, I'm longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I'm looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true
I know I will see You
But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You
And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks

I will trust You
I will trust You
And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again

God, I trust You
I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You, God, I do
Even when I can't see the end
And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

I will trust You, I will trust You, I will
I know Your heart is good,
Your love is strong,
Your plans for me are better than my own
Yeah, Your heart is good
Your love is strong
Your plans for me are better than my own
And I trust You
You are my God
And I will trust You

WORDS

2010-09-30T16:18:00.002-05:00

Red boxing gloves, crown of wisdom, woman of influence, three paths all the right direction, know you can juggle, trust impressions and speak them out, stop asking for what you already have, finally believing and hoping this is the next leg of the journey to destiny.

Are We There Yet?

2010-09-26T23:55:00.002-05:00

Another layer. Seriously, some of these layers are of the same material so why can't I get them off all at once and be done. I know, I know, His timing and planning is perfect and all for my good. Still, I think what frustrates me is that I think I'm free of something holding me back, I am ready to move forward when suddenly there is another layer to be removed. When I'm thinking rationally I know that I don't want to try to move forward if I'm tethered to a hindrance. But my heart burns...
The year of 'suddenlies', the year of 'increase', the year of .......

I'm not there yet but I so want to be...

Endurance

2010-09-01T08:58:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was being productive going from one task to another, not really finishing any of them before moving on but I did keep coming back to the unfinished. So, all of the partially completed tasks is really quite similar to the conversation I was having with God. Sometimes it was more of a questioning dialogue than an exchange. Not that the conversation ended with answers - see, no completion. In fact, if anything what I learned is there is to be more stripping of layers and revealing new Kingdom work. At one point I was very close to telling my God that I just couldn't do this anymore but the Holy Spirit reminded me before I spoke those words that it wasn't me doing it anyway so be quiet. He's gotten pretty bold with me lately. He probably has to be that way to keep my attention focused in the right direction.

So soon after this Q & A session with God, I received a phone call asking if we could a meet with another couple that are experiencing a family heart break. "Oh, geeez, Lord, where are you going with this?" The time with this couple was amazing. As we talked and later prayed, it became evident that God has a much bigger plan for us than we could have ever imagined. And quite frankly, not a plan that I really want to move forward with because it cuts deep and I so want to be done with the cutting and stripping. Did Jesus have those same thoughts when his flesh was being ripped off by those whips? Did He what to drop those wooden beams and stop climbing the hill? Did He quit giving His life for me because it wasn't what He wanted to do? No. He finished. And with His help, I want to be like Him. I want to finish whatever He calls me to.

I realize this post is vague in details. Nevertheless, please ask Him to give us wisdom, patience, revelation, favor and ENDURANCE to finish. Thank you.

Title change

2010-08-12T08:11:00.003-05:00

It's been a journey and it isn't over but a destination has been arrived at from where the next leg of the journey pushes off. I realize I didn't have this journey mapped out for the shortest route or my blog title would have read differently to start with...maybe "God's Daughter and a Momma Forever"...at this point it doesn't matter. I have discovered being His daughter and committing my focus to that relationship helps align all other relationships and positions in life. Well, duh, you say. After all that is exactly what Mt 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." What can I say? Apparently I needed to wander in the dessert on this journey awhile in order to appreciate the Promise Land and the One who promised it.

This life adventure is hard sometimes. Yet the journey is also exciting. The unknowns, the blessings, the miracles, the lessons learned. I've learned to sit and know that He is God and to allow Him to be just that - God. One who doesn't need my assistance. However, He made me a doer, an active person and He has called me to be active even in the learning to be still. No, that doesn't make a lot of sense but then again, God's thinking and ways don't line up with our natural minds often.

If I couldn't serve Him, I would stagnate, wither and die. Faith without works is death. Work without faith is worthless. To know the balance is a sign of maturity in Him. That's where this destination meets the next leg of the journey. I'm ready, Lord. Let's go.

3 Point Landing

2010-06-23T13:50:00.003-05:00

How does a 3 point landing look? Well, it looks better than a crash landing and not quite as good as coming in on your feet. It actually means your tandem partner's feet touched first, then your tailbone and then his tailbone. I think we were coming in a little too fast and his feet slipped in front rather than take a full impact which might have hurt him. It's all okay though. I went into this skydiving experience with an open spirit to whatever He would show me. The lesson is this: You place your trust in Him, you give Him all control and know in your deepest spirit that the end will be okay. The surprise twist to the lesson is that giving Him all control and complete trust doesn't guarantee a perfect landing. The tailbone (or whatever) may get bruised, you will feel a little pain and life will still go on. The pain gets easier but the fact that the landing wasn't what you planned doesn't change. Life goes on. You can choose to replay the landing over and over and choose to focus on the bruised tailbone. Or your life can go on. If I've chosen to give Him my all, then I'm going to also chose for life to go on. Jesus came to give me life and life abundantly. A less than stellar landing isn't going to rob me of that life. The One who made the heavens and the earth has a plan and I'm gonna stick to it with Him!

I'm Jumping

2010-06-18T13:31:00.002-05:00

Yes, the title describes what I'll be doing tomorrow. I'm jumping from an airplane. Fortunately, through great planning on my husband's part, I will be attached to an experienced skydiver who will be in charge of knowing when to pull the chord and how to steer us safely - and gently - to the ground.
Why, you might ask, have I made this decision to skydive. Well, to start with it was a couple of casual comments I made about wanting to do this someday and my husband, who loves to give surprises, taking the idea and running with it. Now that I've had time to think about the actual event, I am amazed that I am not nervous or worried. In fact, my prayer is that I will fully enjoy every second of this and not miss the joy of the adventure. You see, God has brought me through a season of dying to control and learning to trust God more fully. Just as the act of baptism is a public demonstration of accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord, this jump is my demonstration of learning to let go and let God.
Whenever I'm in an airplane, I love the window seat and spend a good part of the trip with my face pressed against the glass. Sometimes you are above the clouds and that is all you see - yet I see it as glorious. Then when you can catch some of the landscape below, I realize how large this universe is and how small we are and marvel at how much He loves and knows us.
So tomorrow, I plan on enjoying not having to press my face against the glass while I experience His marvelous creation and all that He has created me for. I'm going to rest & trust in His Almighty arms - then fly like an eagle...and land like a graceful ballerina (or something - couldn't think of what would be graceful and I'm planning on a gently, graceful landing!!!!)
The rest of the vacation is just as amazing! I'll write about it when we return. All I can say is that my husband went above and beyond in his planning and thinking outside the box.

Spring Colors

2010-05-10T16:25:00.002-05:00

I love the colors of spring. But today it is rainy and it makes for a gray-blue day. Then I realized that life is like that. There are beautiful spring days with new growth, new colors, new shapes and then some rain must fall or the beauty would die. How does this thought transfer to life? Is it in the gray-blue that we stop to recognize where the real joy lies in the colors of spring? No, God, You might be doing something here but honestly, I like the spring days of warm weather, green grass and new flowers. Can it please be dryer weather tomorrow? And mostly sunny. Maybe You think I'm not done wandering in the dessert but I think I'm more than ready to cross into the Promise Land. How's that for positive thinking???

"I'm not going to take the position of victim any longer. I'm raising my voice with a war cry and claiming victory. I will not be oppressed but will be triumphant." Someone remind me of this if I get whiny again:) :)

Tell me Why???

2010-05-06T11:52:00.002-05:00

Can someone tell me why it is when you KNOW you are in a vulnerable state, you look at the one thing you KNOW will attempt to push you over the edge? Seriously, it astounds me how we can self-inflict our own pain sometimes. I could be talking about being on a diet and walking down the candy aisle. I might be talking about grieving the loss of a loved one and walking into their room. What I really need to do right now is quit talking (typing) and start praising the One who can redeem all hurt into a testimony that glorifies Him and THAT IS WHAT THIS NEEDS TO BE ABOUT.

2010-04-27T20:51:00.001-05:00

Written a few weeks ago but the waves continue, the tide still pulls, the victory still remains standing and it will be okay because He has said so.

Tsunami

I knew it was coming. In my spirit I knew there was another wave of evil heading toward me. I kept my eyes on the Commander of this war and continued to ask Him to help me see what He sees. I held tight the promises He spoke from His Word and through friends, songs and others’ testimonies. The wave hit, battered me, took my breath, sand in my face…but it did not pull me under and out to the depths of the evil sea. There are unexpected after waves still strong enough to pull me in and under. The waters have not calmed and it may be a long, long stormy season. I must continue to tell the storm that my God is bigger than it. I must continue to tell my God that I KNOW He is bigger than the storm. I must continue to proclaim victory where I do not see the finish. I must be ready for the celebration - the rejoicing – of His perfect plan unveiling more of the masterpiece. The waves will leave treasures on the shore to be discovered and collected into a beautiful display of his creative artwork.

The Perfect Parent

2010-03-19T08:15:00.002-05:00

Why do we carry so much guilt for what we didn't do perfect as a parent? We did what we knew to do or thought should be done. Maybe we now realize there were other ways to parent but who is to say how that would affect the end result anyway. We CAN say that we loved each of our children completely. And that is all that we need to be confident in.
After all, our Heavenly Father is the PERFECT parent. His love surpasses our ability to love. He is Holy. He IS Sovereign. He made the plans. And He sees His children stray away every day. And He rejoices when they return to Him. I'm praying for the invitation to the prodigal son's party. Until then I will set my eyes on Him alone for He is MY PERFECT PARENT.

2010-03-01T10:28:00.002-06:00

So I wrote a blog in my head last night as I was trying to fall asleep and I remember thinking it was pretty good - so this morning I can't even remember what it was about - not at all! That has happened before and I figure it was either too lame to remember anyway or God took those thoughts from me because He had already worked it out for me. If I could remember what it was about, I might know if it was lame or a God-thing.

So instead, I'll share about a dream that I had some time ago. I'm always taking notes during church which I do for several reasons. One, it keeps me focused on the message instead of looking around church and thinking "Oh, there's Joy. She has a new haircut." And it helps me capture the main points - sometimes capturing thoughts that don't pertain to the message but good thoughts nevertheless. Well, truthfully, there have been times I've written a list of to-do's so I'll quit thinking about them.

So in this particular dream, I'm trying to capture the profound statement(s) that are being made about the topic of Justice and Judgment. I even am bold enough to ask that the statements are repeated. I'm trying to write it down and just CAN'T capture the profoundness. I wake up frustrated to pieces. I can't remember a word of the message, only that it was on Justice and Judgment. I thought about that dream for 2 days. Standing in my living room on the second day, God simply spoke "It's not for you to understand Justice and Judgment. They are mine. Butt out." Okay, He didn't say "Butt out" but I added it because it makes this writing more entertaining. (maybe) I can't tell you how many times since that revelation that I have been able to set back and say to myself "Butt out." (See, I told you that helped this blog post.) I think before I wanted to understand because I wanted to protect someone from justice &/or judgment. I wanted to execute justice &/or judgment. I don't even 'want to' anymore. Oh, I still want to understand more of God and how He works but from a different perspective now.

It continues to be an amazing, and often hard, process as God prunes me but I feel the sap rising and spring coming. Could there be blossoms in the future days? Praying so and praying for a bountiful crop that is harvested for His glory.

2009-12-31T08:51:00.003-06:00

Computer crashed last week, lost files (will have an external drive set-up soon so that can't happen again!!!). Learning to use a new computer and re-create business folders, etc. Have a cough/congestion like I've never had before. The last time I was very sick was pneumonia almost 15 years ago. Discovered I become a whiner by the end of the day - poor Ralph. Have made a couple of trips to an ICU in the city to see a friend who will either be healed by a miracle of God or draw his last breath any day. That brings with it a lot of ministry opportunity with his family and girlfriend. Am grateful for His grace in all of this. Kids will all be somewhere else for New Year's eve this year. I'm tired and think I will sleep the old year out and the New Year in....it can happen without me being awake. So, what have I learned in 2009? God can handle the affairs of the universe without me. I've resigned my Assistant to God title and am enjoying the severance package very much. I can rest and be content in the position of servant. The benefit package is just as good, maybe better, than trying to be Assistant anyway:). However, the next major lesson has been how to embrace what God has given us through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us and through us. We keep asking God for things He has already imparted to us - when are we going to use those gifts? Don't you find that with your children sometimes - "I showed you how to make good decisions, do laundry, stretch your dollar; when are you going to use what I've shown you?". To have the patience of our Heavenly Father.
Happy New Year to all. May 2010 bring enough to meet your needs and blessings unexpected.

To Do List

2009-12-11T12:59:00.002-06:00

To Do List:
Be quiet with Him.
sort thru medical paperwork
type up invoices
make bank deposit
move food from garage frig to kitchen frig
Do you know what the Italian word for refrigerator is?
Icaboxa.
Take Dawn to the Food Pantry
Take Dawn to Walmart to buy her vacuum from the church
Buy my own groceries while at Walmart
Dinner???
Put up the Christmas tree - can't even think of other decorations right now.
Wrap presents.
buy more presents
Christmas cards - scratch that - it will be a New Year's letter at this point
Help a family move from up north somewhere to H'v
Go to a Christmas party
Be quiet with Him
And if you just read all of this nonsense, I'm sorry. The only thing of value in any of it might have been doing something with my friend Dawn, a corny joke and the reminder that we all need quiet time with Him. Have some - now - sitting right where you are - be there long enough you "know in your knower" that He is there - then be confident that He will be wherever you are going next. If I didn't know that, I'd curl up and quit.

No Difference

2009-11-30T22:29:00.003-06:00

Nothing to say that makes a difference.

Not all is Lost

2009-11-12T14:33:00.003-06:00

Not because I think anyone out there in blog world has been worried about the photo album I couldn't find, or looking for my mislocated MP3 cord or has been concerned for my inability to 'be still' but here's the latest news. The photo album appeared in the very spot I had looked previously. I opened an email from Amazon and there were accessories for MP3s that included exactly what I needed (on order to be delivered soon!) and for the quiet mind, well, there's still a lot of chaos in that small space but He is bringing order to it more each day and I know He is with me. I don't know what He will do with me but that's okay. I'm busy untying the knot in my tail from all the whirling and twirling I get myself into by not keeping my focus on Him. "He who is in me is bigger than he who is in the world!" Amen.

2009-11-10T00:15:00.001-06:00

Stop. I want off.

2009-11-05T07:50:00.002-06:00

I can't find the cord that plugs my MP3 player into the computer to charge it much less add new music to it. I have it (MP3) here by me to remind me that I would like to listen to the music captured within its tiny little black frame but NOOOOO, I can't find the cord that would allow me to do that.

I can't find my favorite Christmas present from last year. It is the album of pictures my children had taken including ones where they are wearing their Murphy Steak House t-shirts.

I can't find - or at least not for very long - the quiet place in my head that allows silence to speak. You know God often only talks in a whisper so you have to have some quiet to hear Him.

I can't like the phrase "I can't" so I will have to re-word the above 3 paragraphs.

I have yet to find the missing cord for my MP3 player. I'm looking for my favorite album. And I'm going into my closet to wait upon the quiet.

Now you have a wonderful day whatever that will look like for you. :)

That's not enough

2009-10-29T12:49:00.003-05:00

I know my Savior and am assured of my salvation. That's not enough.
I'm reading His Word and treasure the instructions & promises. That's not enough.
I spend time with Him in prayer. That's not enough.
I want all of Him and for Him to have all of me.
That means laying down my agenda, my identity, my comfort.
That means embracing the gifts He desires to impart to me.
That means seeking Him with expectation.
To expect His presence.
And when it happens, that will be enough.
Until then I will wait in prayer and expectation.

Isaiah 64:1 Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains would tremble before you?

Okay, I came back to edit this post because I didn't want anyone to think I wasn't truly satisfied with salvation, His Word and my prayer life. It is simply that I want more. And I want to take that "more" to pour out onto others. I heard a man say he wanted the power of the Holy Spirit to 'leak' out of him onto others. {Allow me to digress a moment - as a women in the second half of life who has borne several children, I don't like the term 'leak' so I'm open to other suggestions.}

2009-09-23T16:23:00.001-05:00

Pa Kettle: [filling in for the preacher] I don't know how to preach a sermon, I can't quote Scriptures, although I know all the words, I wouldn't know how to put them together, but I can speak from my heart. I can say how thankful I am that I have Ma and the kids, I'm thankful for the food we get nd the clothes we wear. A lot of folks are always asking God for something instead of being thankful for what they got. I figure if He wants you to have it, it'll come to you because you deserve it. He gave us the mountains, the trees, the water and the fertile land. Gave men the ability to make things and grow things. He put gold and silver, coal and oil under the ground, all man has to do is dig them up. Why I figure that He kind of wants you to help yourself a little, He don't want to do it all. If I found out right now there was oil under my land, would I be lazy? No sir, right away I'd get Geoduck and Crowbar to start digging an oil well. The whole world could be a better place to live in if everybody would do like I do. Every morning when I wake up I say "I thank you God, for letting me live to see another day" and at night when I go to lseep I say "Dear God, please let me live to see another tomorrow so I can prove to You that I can be a better man than I have been today." Amen.

2009-09-22T11:44:00.002-05:00

The following was read at a family member's funeral recently. It is a quote from an Englishman, Dr. Alan Redpath, who was once an instructor for a distance cousin of mine at the Capenwray Bible School of England.

I had requested this quote from my cousin and she sent it today. I needed it today! God is good in so many ways:).

There is nothing—absolutely no circumstance, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him, and I accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, and I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is. That is the rest of victory.

2009-09-15T08:47:00.002-05:00

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Eph. 3 "working within us"

May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. "by the power of the Holy Spirit"

You will keep in perfect peace those who trust in You and who fix their thought on You. "trust and fix"

Scriptures come alive through a word or two, then the expanded meaning of the verse takes root giving strength or patience or shelter or whatever else is needed. How do people do it without the Holy Bible - God's only True Word?

I'm going to praise Him throughout this day - He knows my requests and I might repeat them - but today I want to love on Him and remember the character of who He is.

2009-09-07T23:53:00.003-05:00

Empty...I can't figure out how this gauge works. Seems like I'm getting on down the road of life okay when suddenly, the tank is empty again. I've collected quite a few gas cans these last weeks with God's Truth in them (thank you, friends). Tonight though, tonight the gauge is stuck on empty.

Had a friend at church a couple of months ago come over to me to offer to pray with me as she sensed I might be angry at God. I wasn't. In fact, at the time I might have been frustrated with His timing but could see Him at work in many areas of our lives.

Tonight though, tonight I'm angry at God. I wouldn't allow myself that anger last night when Ralph told me my kitten was dead. I looked at the cat whose neck had been broken by our dog and could only think "seriously, God, are you kidding me?" This silly little creature was a comfort from my childhood. It was becoming more and more of a companion who recognized my voice and followed me around the house. And now Mo is no more. Seriously, God, it was such a small thing to let me have in the midst of the rest of life.

Don't mean to discount the support of friends and family and their prayers. But tonight, I'm not okay. I've waited and prayed for years that my son would be free from his rebellion toward authority, his anger, his resentment aimed at his parents for anything. His choosing others over his family. And now he has chosen to be a part of the LDS cult. And now he wants to be kind and loving toward me. And I don't know how to receive it because it is driven by a false teaching and deceptive spirit. I can't rejoice in the very thing I have wanted for these last years. I love him so much and am afraid for him. God, I don't understand how you want me to walk through this. I don't want to fail anymore and indeed I feel like a huge failure. I don't want to give the enemy a foothold into the rest of our lives. I don't want to drive our son further away from the truth. But mostly, tonight, I don't want to do this at all. I am tired of the deceiver coming after my children. It was hard enough the first time. Seriously, God, again?

I wanted a kitty. I don't want another one. I can't keep losing because my tank is empty and I don't even want to refill it tonight.

sorry for a pity post...realize there are many hurting in our circle of family and friends and I am being self-centered...my thought are not on God's truth but are angry at God...should be praising Him for all the goodness there is regardless of the depth of darkness...thank you, God for my husband and children...thank you for my killer dog...thank you my brother got to go home from the hospital...thank you for giving me a good's night sleep tonight (trying to be positive)

2009-09-04T14:45:00.003-05:00

He is Yours, Almighty Lord. Take him to the place You need him to be. Mold him into the vessel You have designed him to be. The shape you form will be specially made for the gifts and blessings You plan to pour into him. I choose to have complete, relentless trust in the masterplan of the Master. I choose to sing hallelujah for whatever is ahead, knowing Your love is unfailing, You are holy and You are faithful to Your promises. I love you, Father God. I am waiting and praying and believing.

2009-08-22T23:41:00.002-05:00

You said if I had faith, even as small as a mustard seed, I could move mountains. I do have faith. I know Your Word is true. I know You will fulfill Your promises. I may need a little extra dose or two or million of strength and patience. I am confident that if I ask what is pleasing to You, You will hear my prayers and will give what is asked. I BELIEVE.....and when I don't, help me with my unbelief.

His name was Mo

2009-08-06T22:09:00.003-05:00

I wanted a cat. I had cats growing up. I would hold one close to tell it all the secrets of dreams and broken hearts a little girl could have. It was my friend when my brothers wouldn't play with me. Living in the country with no neighbors makes for a lonely childhood sometimes. Anyway, I wanted a cat again. I got a cat. I'm about to lose him. Kirby, the dog, and the cat just aren't making progress in getting along. And the cat, named Mo but hereon referred to only as cat, gets too wild when playing. I have plenty of scratches to show for it. And Jody is afraid of the small gray wild beast. Can't blame her too much. So with sadness of a broken heart of a not so little girl, I am returning the cat to his farm home. "Things" keep coming in and going out.

There's that feeling...part 2

2009-07-25T01:24:00.002-05:00

There were times when I was growing up that my momma would say something about someone or some situation and I would think "aw, mom, what do you know". Amazingly though, many times her intuition or discernment would be pretty accurate. There are some times that I do the same thing now. It's like you "know in your knower" (our Pastor's phrase) what is true or not about a situation. The next part is even when you know what the truth is and it doesn't paint a pretty picture, realizing God can still take it and turn it into a masterpiece.

I realize we can do nothing apart from Christ. And I thought I had learned a lot about things being accomplished through the working of the Holy Spirit not by my efforts. Guess I still tie too much of myself to these 'things'. I honestly thought if I poured all my love onto my boys that it would make a difference. As my friend keeps saying "the book isn't finished yet" but at this point I'm beginning to realize my love isn't enough. That is a hard thing to grasp because even in my imperfections and temper, I thought I had so much love to give. It is only His love that can make a difference. I can try to demonstrate it though I probably don't do it very well. But love has to be received for it to have an impact.

So Ross has moved out. He didn't like something I said. I spoke what I feel to be true. I don't know what happens next. I love him more than he will ever understand or accept from me. This hurts. I didn't read this part in the baby book about raising children. I thought it only happened to bad mothers...hmmmm...guess my own judgment falls back on me.

So having Branden back with us this last week hasn't been easy. Struggled almost constantly to have a positive outlook. Knew if we continued down this road with him, there would be a lot of sacrifices made. Kept hoping he would demonstrate an attitude of repentance, a desire to work his way out of his mess and instead saw a sour attitude and more concern with how to make his work easier than to simply get his work (community service hours) done. Then tonight, he sent a text about a friend picking him up from his community service and I "knew in my knower" that he wasn't being honest. He came home and gave me his song and dance about why someone other than that friend brought him home. Silly boy. I called the friend we would have approved of him being with who said that he was just getting off work. So the lie was revealed. Bottom line, we have given him until tomorrow @11:00 to be out. He has a lot of legal issues to deal with, no safe environment to go to, no home open to him - unless someone in his cycle of people he has used before opens their door again. I can't see how this is going to work out for him but God can.

God is still Sovereign. In fact, He doesn't need me to accomplish any of His work. Let me out of the boat, Captain. I'll swim back to shore. (From a story a friend shared.)

There's that feeling...

2009-07-14T19:53:00.002-05:00

How does it happen that you know there is something but you can't put your finger on it right away. All of yesterday while there was a lot of other stuff going on, I kept thinking there is something about today. Well, yes, it is Jonny's 20th birthday. But there is something else about today. I couldn't shake that feeling and chalked it up to other emotions running rampant, lack of sleep and chocolate. Today, suddenly today, I thought I remembered but I couldn't be for sure so I went to my drawer where I have some family papers. There it was. The envelope the funeral home puts together for family members. Also came across an envelope that contained a letter written from my dad the same year. I read the letter first. As I read it, I wondered if I had ever read it before because it all sounded like new stories. That is until I got to the part where he talked about meeting my mother for the first time. He had almost cut off his thumb that day - never did hear how that happened - and if he got out of line, my mom tweaked his thumb. He was a handsome charming cowboy that I'm sure was use to having his way...until he met my mom. Her name was Rowena. Not an easy name to say and daddy struggled for a long time to learn to say it correctly but he said it was worth learning. He said he would always look back on the good times and only remember those days with her. Said when his voice cracked when he talked of her it was because of the love and happiness he had with her. Remember this was a big tough guy but not when it came to his wife and children. After folding the letter away for safe keeping I turned to the other envelope to see that Yes, I remember now. The 13th is the day she died. I have the comfort of knowing she said the salvation prayer that afternoon from her hospital bed, gave up her fight to live and went to meet her Savior and her Heavenly Father. Her life was spent taking care of others from an early age and she worked hard for things to be just right. Finally, her hopes and efforts had been realized - not by her own doing other than the act of placing her trust in Jesus. And that was enough. So is there a word for that feeling that comes into our hearts reminding us of some person? I'm not sure but if there is, it's meaning probably comes from the root word LOVE.

Missing In Action

2009-07-04T08:52:00.002-05:00

It's just this simple: There are people in my life that are "missing in action"...some are living their own lives with their own family in a state far away, some are no longer on this earth, some are going to fiddle contests and some are lost. That's all I had to say....

2009-06-22T12:39:00.002-05:00

MAYBE...

Maybe... we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one - so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe... when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, oftentimes we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe... it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it; but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing, until it arrives.

Maybe... the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe . . . the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go
of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe... you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do.

Maybe... there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around, you appreciate them more.

Maybe... the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe... you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe.... you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe... giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe... happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe... you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Maybe... you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy!

Maybe... you should try to live your life to the fullest, because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling; but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you crying.

2009-06-08T16:25:00.002-05:00

okay i just had this thought....for the sake of unity i believe if we hang in there together long enough, the differences in our perspectives won't matter as long as Christ is the center...oh, yeah and that Truth reigns - that's important - more important than most realize....yesterday during worship my heart was broken for the lies and deceptions that I've seen all around me - the father of lies knows no boundaries, no age limits, believers and non-believers alike...then it was if God revealed to me that our lives are the testimonies to the only real TRUTH and that is how we combat the lies and deception....so i've been thinking on how that looks in everyday living...am i a testimony to His way, His truth, His love.... pastor talked about 4 foundations: Jesus, His Word, Family and Church.... i know of a faith that claims those same 4 foundations cloaking the TRUTH in false venacular..(word?)... sometimes I stomp my foot out of frustration coz I feel angry about this deception and as if my hands are tied....then I force myself back to His promises, His truth and His faithfulness...
I was on my way home from Dana's the other day and a little black puppy was trotting alongside the four lane road - no homes in sight. I wanted to stop. I wanted to rescue that dog even though I wasn't sure it needed rescuing. I was about to look to the side of the road to stop when I heard "you can't save every stray puppy".... my thoughts have been circling since...its not up to me to 'save' anyone or any puppy...but it is my responsibility to be obedient to whatever He asks of me...it just wasn't meant to be that puppy that day...

Maybe after this...

2009-05-22T06:26:00.002-05:00

Is it not ridiculous how much of our lives we go through thinking "Maybe after this...." when we really don't have a clue what will happen after this? (I'm not talking about eternity here - that we know - at least in part and we will know in full at the right time.) I remember after having my first baby, I anticipated some changes but also expected some return to normalcy. After the second child, I began to see that normalcy is redefined every day. After the third child, I realized that normalcy is a fallacy anyway. Life is what it is and what you make of it for those 24 hours of that day.
So after this weekend trip to Nashville, what do I think will happen? First, I will be adapting to the changes in the family structure. Jody will be gone for the summer, Dana hopefully will be in OKC for her PT clinical rotation and I'll be okay with a house full of boys. Next I do so desperately hope to get my house clean and organized again. It is typical chaos that I've learned to tolerate but right now it is also dirty - and I mean "I'm ashamed of it" dirty. And finally, though there are lots of things that could be on the list, I want to sort through the papers and pictures from my dad's house (it's been 6 years) and give to my brothers the items that they would enjoy having. We sorted some of the pictures/papers when we cleaned the house out but some things need to be copied.
And most importantly on the "after this" radar....I know God has been leading me to something new, something deeper - outside of my world of normalcy and I want to embrace with confidence what it is and be found obedient in His eyes. I'm not sure of His timing or plan but I do know He is directing me toward more training for a purpose and I'm excited about that. This ole dog learns slow but I do still learn.
Off to pack the bags and pillow. I'm hoping to sleep my way to Nashville:)

Four+ Days Back at College

2009-05-08T22:40:00.001-05:00

I hadn't planned on spending this week at MSU but then again as a mother, you don't always get to make plans. We got the phone call about 4 am Tuesday morning that Jody was in ER with great pain and throwing up. After calling the wonderful older sister and brother in-law to ask them if they would head on to the ER (I felt sorry for the roomie and best friend who had spent hours with her already) I packed a bag and headed south myself. By the time I got to the hospital, Dana had all under control. At one point, I laughed to myself "I'm only the mother" as I stood by while Dana and Brian took care of her. After finally receiving a second shot of a pain killer that truly worked, they told us she had a small kidney stone that should pass within 24-48 hours and sent us home.
The question was where to take her. She wasn't up to traveling very far so we ended up back in her dorm room where we have camped out since then waiting for that little stone to show itself in the strainer she has to carry everywhere. Still hasn't shown itself so we are assuming it hasn't passed. She is still sore and in pain some of the time. We saw a urologist Thursday morning who was worthless. The only useful information we gathered from him was that the tests showed there weren't any more stones in the kidney and he gave her a medicine that is suppose to help the stone pass (but in reading about it on the internet, it says not to give it to women or children....it is for prostrate problems....will give it a couple of days, I guess).
This morning I was awakened from my comfy bed, made from chair cushions, so we could journey to the crowded first floor of a boys wing because the tornado sirens were blaring. As I sat there telling myself that I wasn't claustrophobic and the loud, hyserical girl deserved to live, I thought "I went to college in Oklahoma, part of tornado alley, and never remember a tornado drill much less a real one." Thankfully we were only there about an hour. When we came back to the room (4th floor) it was almost frightening to watch the tree outside twist in the wind - it was a strong wind. And then it all passed by.
The next excitement was hearing that Dana & Brian had a flood in their basement from a small stream in their back yard that flowed up to their back door and filled their downstairs w/ 2" of water. And of course, they lost electricity. However, they had some amazing friends kick in big time and help move everything so nothing was lost in that aspect. The guy next door works for his family who cleans carpets so he immediately got the water extractor & started as soon as they got electricity. In remains to be seen what will happen to the carpet.
So today I packed part of Jo's room to take home with me tomorrow. She gave up her room to Branden so we will have to figure out where to store her stuff for the summer. She had planned on putting some of it at Dana and Brian's - having to re-think that plan.
Going to finish my college week by watching a movie. We tried to watch it last night but fell asleep. Oh, life is exciting...

Volcano - Mt. St. Debbie

2009-05-04T13:32:00.002-05:00

Wow but after the laughter wears you out, the insides start churning with the threat of becoming a volcano and spewing over the next person in your path........doesn't that sound so dramatic??? I'm still being funny here. I'm wishing people could just do what they need to do in the first place but our Pastor said just yesterday, "There's no shortcuts." I hope he realizes that wasn't encouraging but then again, those instances where people do a 180 seem often to be able to do another 180 back in the wrong direction just as quick. Those whose steps slowly turn closer and closer to the true path for them, seem to have a better long term bearing on where they are going. Poo, I don't know anything. I'm just trying to be grateful Branden is home and we can use his trials to motivate him to a new way of living. teehee...I just said "trials"...actually they are only court dates....one for 'causing alarm' which is a catch-all for 'we don't know what you were really up to but we are watching you' and the other is for missing his probation appointments for his driving violations. He went to work today - that is good. Gotta keep up counting the good and hoping for more of it.

My wonderful husband helped me dig rocks out of this flower bed that I'm trying an extreme makover on. I'm not sure he is moving well today. He moaned and groaned...while digging out the rocks....bet he's still moaning and groaning when he gets home today. Think I'll make him something nice for dinner....hmmmm, better go see what's possible....

Loving the laughter

2009-05-01T13:09:00.002-05:00

You have to love laughter. It is a condiment to many emotions. You are happy - you laugh. You are scared - you laugh (Dana drops to the floor first, then laughs.) You are riding in the family car going to the graveyard - you find something to make you laugh (or maybe our family is really, really strange but it happened at my mom's funeral). You are nervous - here comes the giggle. You are completely befuddled - you laugh as you give it up. Ralph and I have been laughing these last 18 hours as we find ourselves dealing with another chapter of what was to be our empty nest beginning. "Lord, what do You have us doing?" We didn't know we'd be learning new legal terms - didn't know how large our sphere of influence would get when we welcomed Branden back to our home. To be honest if we knew all that is ahead, would we have opened our door. Yes, I think we would have in this case but there is a part of me that believes God shelters us from knowing too much sometimes so we will simply trust Him and be obedient in the moment. We have been meeting some of Branden's friends. He is in a holding cell right now with one of those friends. We are communicating with another of his friends to get more of the story. As crazy, and believe me I know it is CRAZY, as it is, we are making connections with these friends for a reason we don't pretend to understand. Who is to say if God is giving opportunity for these young adults to have an older adult treat them with respect in the midst of their poor decision making and lifestyles. For Peter's sake, we don't think we are Mother Teresa here, but something is going on bigger than us. We want to be His love drawing the hurt, lost and even rebellious to a loving relationship with the only One who can complete their lives. ....okay, so you aren't left hanging...we aren't sure what the outcome will be for Branden's situation. They have 24 hours to charge him or release him. He was in the wrong place with the wrong person and is being held on "probably cause". He also didn't make his last appointment with his probation officer so that could cost him some jail time. And as crazy as this sounds, we are glad for this turn of events (though we hope he is released!) because we can now say "you've tried it your way - how's that working for you?" and then lay out some expectations he will have to agree to because he had his chance and blew it.
I doubt that many read my blog that don't know us fairly well so I hope it is okay that we ask you to pray for us as we try to hear what God wants us to do with this opportunity. Pray for a brokeness in Branden that would cause him to hunger for more of the Lord (he has said the salvation prayer but I don't know that he understands the significance - has dodged discipling so far - still don't think we can force that on him so am praying he hungers for it. Pray for Ralph and I to be in unity on the decisions and actions we take. Pray for our other children that they agree with the risks we are taking and aren't harmed by it.
Laughter...couldn't exist without it!

Plagarism....again

2009-04-20T16:05:00.003-05:00

Tags» Brewer Wilson, hope, Mark Batterson, Wild Goose Chase

Do you sometimes read something and think you just have to share it? This is from Pete Wilson's blog Without Wax....again...not trying to elevate the guy but he has simply had some words that cause me to ponder (as Pammie would say:)). At least I give credit to him and hope it's okay to cut and paste from his blog. Someone will have to tell me if I'm doing a no-no. The truth of the matter, I keep finding myself frustrated with the way things work sometimes (and since He is sovereign, things really mean 'the way He works' sometimes.) I find myself in this lurching motion - forward (pause), lean back, lurch forward (pause)(PAUSE), yellow light, green light, red light....I'm getting motion sickness....so the following excerpt gives me reason to hope and allow Him to continue doing what He does best...everything! The following is from Pete:

In John 11 we discovered TRUE HOPE DEVELOPS WHEN YOU ACCEPT GOD’S POWER AND TIMING. Most of the time we want his power, we want his strength, but we don’t want his calendar.

I love what Mark Batterson said about this in Wild Goose Chase…

“I tend to live the way I drive. I want to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time and by the easiest route possible. But I’ve come to realize that getting where God wants me to go isn’t nearly as important as becoming who God wants me to be in the process. And God seems to be far less concerned with where I’m going than with who I’m becoming.

The friction for many of us comes in that we’re a lot more concerned with where we are going and what we’re accomplishing than who we’re becoming. We’ve got it opposite and it drives a barrier into the work God is trying to do in us.

2009-04-13T06:31:00.002-05:00

Maybe it was too much physical work and now exhaustion. Maybe it was too much sugar and now sugar crash. Maybe it was too much expectation and now hurt feelings. Maybe this is just life in a fallen world. Maybe I'll go back to bed and get more sleep. I need my rest so when the rain stops and it drys out a little I can go back to finish digging out the yucca plants. I will conquer those plants once and for all!!! Eventually I will have a pretty flower bed by the driveway.....eventually.

Plegarism

2009-04-08T11:50:00.002-05:00

Jesus always chose to see people for who they could be rather than who they were in that very moment.

The above quote is from a blog Without Wax by Pete Wilson.

You can work miracles by having faith in others. To get the best out of people, choose to think and believe the best about them.

The above quote is on a purple piece of paper in front of me at my computer. I don't remember where I 'borrowed' it from.

I sometimes wonder if I ever have an original thought that is worth cut & pasting somewhere. I won't fret about it though. I figure the Creator of the Universe gets credit for it all anyway:).

Who else has seen a quote lately that causes them to ponder?

Easter?

2009-04-07T06:19:00.002-05:00

I just can't get my head wrapped around that Easter is this weekend. I feel guilty for not being 'ready', almost feel disconnected. I don't feel disconnected from God but from the calendar. Could someone give me a couple more weeks, please? I don't want to have the wrong mindset going into the greatest celebration we have as Christians. This weekend is about Jesus' resurrection, not about dinner, candy, eggs, bunnies or decorations - good thing coz I don't have any of that figured out. Not interested in the traditional Easter dinner. Have not decided what I'm going to fix yet. Might be enchiladas - just kidding - maybe liver and onions - ok, kidding again. I just don't know and it is stresses me a little. Oh, my. I just thought to myself, you need to read the scriptures about His final days to prepare your heart for this season and I realized I don't want to hear about how we disappointed Him and so many missed Him and to be reminded His suffering....I think I'm in an avoidance mode. Hmmmmm.....anyone else feeling discumberated??? Hope I'm alone in this coz it just doesn't feel good.

He's Still In There

2009-04-02T11:43:00.002-05:00

The little boy that wants to be accepted and have a place in your heart is still in there - inside of Branden - under some layers of cold world independence - but we saw it the other night when we had a talk about his change in lifestyle since he received his first paycheck. I don't want to play on his need to be accepted as a way to manipulate him into making good decisions. I want him to know the complete acceptance of his Savior, Jesus. I want him to desire to know Him more and to understand what a blessing it is to become more and more like Him. Anyway, the overall report of our talk is that it went well. We had hoped he would agree to attend a program at church that is called Celebrate Recovery - it deals with hurts, healing and habits. He's not there yet but the seed has been planted. And mostly I hope and believe that he heard that we love him and will be here for the long haul as he makes decisions and progress toward an independent future.
So this morning I get a text from him - I still smile when I think of it - saying this morning a driver picked him to work the route with - if you aren't picked then the boss assigns you to someone. It was as if I just heard from my little boy that someone picked him for their dodgeball team at recess. He received recognition for his work and that was so good for him. He said this is the first real job he's had since he sold cars out of high school - that only lasted a few months. Can you imagine - that was 10 years ago.
To my wonderful daughters who read my post and to my fantastic youngest son who probably doesn't, thank you for understanding and allowing your dad and I to invest this time and energy into Branden. You know he has always had a place in our hearts and we are thrilled to have this opportunity to help him get on the right path in life. Having him with us may consume some of our energy and focus but it in no way diminishes our love and pleasure we find in each of you. God has expanded 'our territory' (that prayer of Jabez is dangerous:)) and He has expanded our ability to love even more. To my dear friends who read my rambling, thank you for the prayers that are so necessary as we move forward trusting God to reveal what is next.
It may be a rainy, cold day but my heart is warm and full today.
Oh, when talking to Dana the other day, she was talking about someone who always whined about something and I thought of this clever saying: "Why don't you go back to your kitchen cabinet and find a glass that is half-full. The half-empty one you are carrying is stealing your joy." Okay, I thought it was clever anyway :).

I Want Love To Be Enough

2009-03-31T13:22:00.002-05:00

(So this post isn't cryptic, which can be irritating!, I'll state upfront that it is about having Branden with us and the questions of what's next and how do we handle so much unknown....)

When you read the story of the Prodigal Son returning home, you witness the love of his Father welcoming him with open arms and having a celebration party in his honor. It's what you don't read that I want to know more about. How do you process through the years (or however long) of a different lifestyle, different expectations, different habits, differentness to then understand what the outlook for the future is? What did the son expect, desire, when he returned? Was he able to look at his life 10 years down the road or had he been existing in the muck day by day for survival so long that he didn't know how to look forward anymore. It would be nice to believe that the father's love would be enough to overcome whatever baggage came home with the son. And I know the Heavenly Father's love is enough....what I fear is that my love isn't enough. Breathe deep, Deb. It isn't about me. I will sacrifice, I will hurt, I will deal with my own fear and defeat. I will....remember that He is "I Am".
Truthfully I wanted this to be easy!!! I wanted my love to be enough. While it hasn't been hard so far, it is facing changes. Amazing what a paycheck can do to a person's behavior. Old networks are being re-established - is that good or bad? Don't know for sure yet. Am trying to not speak negative to his decisions or behaviors but I'm not naive of his past and know the strong pull the enemy has on him. If President Obama had a 'bail out' plan for parents of prodigals, I'd consider the deal right now. I'm having to take serious measure of the potential cost and I'm finding myself feeling pretty selfish and wanting to protect myself from the heart break. Enough of that! Instead of that kind of talk, let me simply ask you to pray for wisdom for us, protection over all, God to show Himself to Branden in a way that draws him into the light and out of the darkness, and that we will have a celebration again and again over a life changed - radically - for Jesus.
..."For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2Cor. 12:10

5 am - who knew?

2009-03-20T06:13:00.003-05:00

I think God is funny in how he works us....I've never liked early mornings! Well, the few times I did get up early I thought "this is a cool time of the day" but was pretty sure it would lose its coolness if I did it all the time. So what does life look like for Ralph and I these days? One of us is getting up at 5:10 to take Branden to work. Yes, he now has a full time job with the trash company. I have new appreciation for those men who pick up our trash. It's quite a physical workout and far from a clean job. But you know, I think there is a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day knowing you have worked hard and moved a lot of trash. Some of us move trash around all day in our head and never get anything accomplished:). Anyway, I'm learning to stay up when I get back from delivering him and starting on my daily devotions.....or get on the computer:).

Our church has had a prayer/fast week. I've not done a full fasting and feel a little guilty because many who are attending have been very faithful in a full fast. The prayer meetings each night have been a blessing. Since I don't feel prayer is a gifting of mine, though it is a universal responsibility, I love to hear the hearts of those prayer warriors who seem to know how to break through speaking truth over a situation. I can 'agree' with the best of them :). Last night was a night to specifically focus on spiritual strongholds and I left there with a gratefulness for this church who sought forgiveness, reconciliation and healing for offenses that had happened in the past. The church made a major shift in direction/focus this last year and there apparently was some discontent in either the shift or how it was presented or something. I don't need to know nor what to know what those offenses were. I appreciated the humbleness to seek healing in that area. And the prayer was lifted to break the 'spirit of religion'. That spirit that gets too full of its self and becomes arrogant. I did appreciate the side note that this didn't mean the church was getting soft on standing on the Truth of His Word. Anyway, what I was hearing was lining up with what God has been showing me about churches and personal relationships with God.

Have the churches moved away from what God intended them to be? As soon as those walls are formed, there come the rules of acceptance and approval. Some one, some where is sitting in the judgment seat determining if you are a good church member or not. Strip the walls away again and focus on the 'cornerstone'...the relationship with Jesus. I'm talking out loud and probably not making much sense because I continue to mull these thoughts around as God sorts them out to me.

Here's a question for you to answer so I'll have some comments and my ego will be feed that someone reads my posts:) :) :) :
If you could star in a movie, would it be drama, mystery, romance, intense action or comedy and can you give it a title?

2009-03-16T15:34:00.002-05:00

Went to a Women of Faith conference this last weekend. While having a conversation with a couple of other women, I asked the question "if you could have any job or be anyone in the world, what would it be?". Even though I asked the question, I didn't have an answer at the time. Then it dawned on me....I want to be Patsy Clairmont or Chonda Pierce. One of those comedian ladies that can be so real with life yet put a humorous twist to it ending with a nugget of spiritual wisdom. In honor of my new idol, Patsy Clairmont, I will share with you something I learned from her this weekend. Her husband told her she was bossy, her two sons confirmed their father's opinion. Patsy, on the other hand, told them that she wasn't bossy but that she had 'giftedness of instruction'. The next 'spiritual gift' test that I take better have that one listed:).

All is going well with our recent addition of a resident. He still doesn't have a full time job but is managing some work here and there. Today is a job of hard labor, tearing off a barn roof and replacing it. I don't know how many days the work will last but I think it will be good, hard work and he is with a Christian man who has a heart to connect with him. It would be great to be able to post that we've made great strides in the areas of his life that aren't where I'd hope they were but honestly, God has given Ralph & I a peace about taking this slowly, celebrating whatever baby steps are taken. Sometimes Branden is very quiet and distant. Other times, he is very engaged in what's going on around him. When he is silent, I wonder what he's dealing with so I'll leave him alone and simply pray for God to capture his thoughts. He caught me at a very busy time the other day and wanted to talk.....so we did....the work got done in time though I had a little stress behind the scenes:).

Spring weather is here today and I'm at the computer. Something is wrong with that picture so I'm outta here.....

This wasn't what I asked for...

2009-02-27T19:14:00.004-06:00

This wasn't what I asked for....I mean, I wasn't really asking for anything anyway. I was daydreaming sort of. I would see little babies and want to hold them to my cheek or hold their chubby cheeks in my hands and kiss their little faces. Or maybe a kitten. They can be snuggly and fun to put your cheek to and they purr sometimes. And with a kitten, you can leave it food, water and a litter box and go somewhere for days.
I heard the prayers spoken over me - I just didn't know from what direction the prodigal would come. "You will bring the prodigal ones home." Flashes of certain young people cross my vision. But I didn't dare to think of this one. Have been done this road before and he didn't stay. We didn't make a difference that we could see.
Enough with the cryptic. The story is this: we now have a 28 year old 'son' living with us. This is a young man we raised for a couple of years before we had children. We had hoped to adopt him and pushed for the papers to be signed a month before Dana's birth. We gambled and lost. His young mother (and she was so young which was why she considered giving him up in the first place) allowed for us to maintain contact which waned over the years. Until high school and a time of great conflict between Branden, his mother and step-dad. So he lived with us for almost 2 months until we called a halt to his playing us against his mother. She naturally would cave because she never could stand up to him - she needed him to love her no matter what and didn't like to discipline him. More years pass and she was killed in a car accident. She left a life insurance that through a trust, provided him a home and car. He lost it all. Lost the house, the truck and his license. He then has been adrift for the last 18 mos. or so. We got a call Sunday morning that he was in a local motel, with only the clothes on his back and no identification. He had been beat up in KC and all of his things taken. An ex-girlfriend picked him up and paid for his night at the motel. So we just brought him home. Decided it was most important to love him for now and take steps day by day on how to proceed from here. We've managed to get his identification papers replaced. Spent today filling out some applications for work and Ralph made some phone calls. He doesn't have his high school diploma, no skills to speak of and has worked at some places in town where he 'burned those bridges' so to speak.
When he came to us as a 3 year old, anything I asked of him he would respond "Ok" to because he wanted to please, wanted a place to stay and be loved. That is what I've seen this week. I know the 'honeymoon' phase will eventually wear off. I'm also praying that he has seen the bottom and really desires to give his life new direction. I admit to being guarded. I admitted to having some fear of loving him and getting hurt again. Jody cautioned me that "fear can limit God" so I'm trying not to be fearful....but am still guarded. I've always loved him but it got easier to do so at a distance. I have taken the approach that while there is much I would desire for him in his life, my main focus will be that he finds a personal relationship with Jesus. After that, all other things will be taken care of. If he leaves here, he will have the One with him that will not forsake him.
We don't know what we are doing. Day by day, God will show us the next step. Branden may be the prodigal, we may have the home but God is the Father who first greets him and welcomes him home.
By the way, I am praying for him to find a job soon because he has nothing to do but watch TV and eat us out of house and home!!!! (He is very helpful with anything I ask and offers to help. He can't get a door closed on the first try though....oh, the little things that can be irking...sorry that is so petty...)
Guess I won't get a kitten for now. Will have to grab a baby at church to hold. When I wonder if I can do "this", I'll remember I didn't ask for it so God must have thought I was weak enough He could use me in "this".

Be A Selfish Momma

2009-02-19T11:20:00.002-06:00

You know the view from "over the hill" is really pretty clear on things that you simply couldn't see while traversing up the steep side of the mountain. I realize I may be starting the descent down the other side but I'm confident that this trail ends in God's paradise so I really don't mind.
The point of this post is really directed at those still on the upward ascent, whether you are a mother or a young woman (this could be written for men too). Somewhere in my silly thinking I bought into the 'take care of others first' ideal of being a servant like Jesus. I think I confused being a willing, humble servant with a person that denied herself what seemed to be the luxury of 'self time'. That is because I viewed 'self time' as selfish. My goodness, ladies, if I don't see myself and my relationship with God as having great value, then I'm just a slave to the everyday pressures of life in a fallen world. Yes, I know saying how important the daily quiet time is with God puts added pressure on an already overwhelmed young woman's life. Yes, you already know that seeking God first will 'add' to your life. So why do we make it so hard? Why do we think that special time with our Lord, our Comforter, our Healer, our ________(fill in the blank of what you need today) can be shuffled around the needs of others in our day? Why? Because the enemy doesn't want you to spend time with Him! Yes, you can catch glimpses of Him in your day. You can throw up arrow prayers between carpools. You can grab a quick devotion. You can listen to praise songs as you cook dinner. All of this is good. Yet I want to encourage you to rest with Him! I know that I'm in a different phase of life than many of you that may read this. I know that I didn't do a very good job of resting with Him during my ascent up the mountain. I know that I'm not 100% good at heeding my own words even now. But when I look back, when I see the path twist and turn behind me, when I recall the exhaustion and even anger that I sometimes felt, I see where I didn't take 'self time' to be restored and renewed by Him on a faithful basis. If I could give each of you a gift, it would be 'self time' wrapped up by the Master Gifter Himself. Blessings.

Big Brother Pedestal

2009-02-18T15:38:00.002-06:00

My oldest brother is 11 years older than I am. By the time I was in 2nd grade, he had left home for college, then marriage and then the army only to return to the home area after I had left home for college where I would get married and not ever return to the home area. So you see, while we love each other as family and have much in common because of family, we don't really know each other as adults. I recently wrote him a letter saying much the same thing. Telling him I wanted to know more about him and for him to know more of who I am. Something that I shared with him that was a revelation even for me was that my personal relationship with God began when he was in Viet Nam. Every night for that year, I thanked God for what we had and asked him to bring my brother home. It was the most disciplined prayer time of my life until much later. Now I find myself praying for him again each day. Today marks the third day of his intense chemotherapy that will last 3 more days. Each day taking him closer to death's door. Killing those cells in the hopes of killing the 'sleeper' cancer cells too. Prayerfully he will then receive his own stem cells back into his body by day 8. And then he will begin the long road back. Thankfully he has the greatest wife in the world to help him through this ordeal. And all of his children and their families are close by. But I want to be there too. I want to take him off that big brother pedestal so I can stop feeling like the little sister. I want to know him in a new way. I want him to know who I am and more about my journey with God. I REALLY want him to know Jesus and for us to know that he has accepted Him as Savior. So, whoever reads this, would you please pray: his complete victory over cancer; our future opportunities to get to know each other and mostly for his salvation. Thanks.

Too Funny!

2009-02-14T11:25:00.002-06:00

This morning he read to me from the paper the cost of a new Corvette. Then he told me about the Chrysler van that has the lifetime guarantee. When I laughed out loud, I had to tell him about my blog. He is still taking me out to dinner. Whew!

Early Valentine's Date

2009-02-13T11:48:00.003-06:00

In keeping with the tradition that we don't do many things traditionally, Ralph and I had an early Valentine's date last night.
And let me publicly say this: I have gotten irritated in the past that he will read the newspaper from the front page to the last page of how ever many sections of the paper there is. Sometimes he feels compelled to share with me the quirkiest tidbits of information or maybe how much a 1969 Corvette is listed for in the classifieds. Are we in the market for a Corvette? Not that I'm aware of but if we ever are, he will know how much they've been advertised for in the classifieds. Okay, to the point of me sharing this irritation. Many times, and I really do mean many times, he has read about an play, an special event, a movie or restaurant review that he then wants to take his family to enjoy. He's taken someone from his family to Blue Man group, the Dead Sea Scrolls, Starlight, Lidia's restaurant, WWII Memorial, theatres and museums, all from him reading the newspaper.
So last night our date was another inspiration derived from the KC Star. Jardine's Jazz restaurant (does that sound better than Jazz Club?) had a Valentine Day special but it was already booked full so we went last night instead. We saw a group that was not necessarily jazz but described as 'cabaret style'. Yep. Not going to repeat seeing their show again. Thankfully we stayed for the next show which was Sons of Brasil - latin jazz. YES! I would love to hear them again. And now we know that you can go there to have dinner which the food was pretty good. Or you can go have an appetizer or not even order any food. Naturally there are alcoholic drinks available but there are other options. Some shows have a cover charge and many do not. This place has performers every night. How cool is that if you are a jazz performer and have somewhere to perform in our own little Kansas City? The people working there were so easy going and friendly. You didn't get that "you aren't drinking????" cold shoulder. In fact, later that evening I think there were some students from UMKC there because a young man guest performed with the latin jazz group. And he did so good. I felt like standing up and hugging him - crazy, I know:).
One more piece of good news in all of this. The evening wasn't very expensive so Ralph is taking me out for another dinner Saturday. He didn't read about this place in the newspaper. It's the local restaurant/bar in the little town he works in now. It's one of those places you go to early in the evening and go home before the late night crowd kicks up their heels. And the food & service is truly good as well as the price being very reasonable.
Now I'm admitting...I'm grateful my husband does read the newspaper and discover fun things to do that we would have missed otherwise. And if I ever decide to ask for a Corvette....

Nose Spray or Eye Drops?

2009-02-05T16:53:00.003-06:00

Well, I wonder why I would post this and risk the comments my loved ones will certainly make on future gatherings but then I decided why not cause a little laughter even if it is at my own expense.

Take what started out to be a typical hurry-up afternoon, add an unexpected turn of events with things happening at hyper-warp speed when you realize your eyes are burning like crazy from the make-up that dissolved into your eyes when you found yourself crying out to God for His mercy and wisdom. It was a really sweet time other than my eyes were really uncomfortable. So naturally I marched straight to the bathroom cabinet, reached in for the bottle that would bring relief to the burn and as I poured drops into one eye....then the other....I realized that I wasn't holding Visine...nope, I was holding the saline nose spray.

The good news is that it was a 'saline' nose spray which is what natural tears are anyway. Maybe the saline was a little stronger than my real tears. I don't really know other than my eyes did a pretty good job of tearing on their own for a few seconds. Really, it all turned out just fine. And I don't know where the Visine is. It isn't in the cabinet where it usually is. Goes to show how we become creatures of habit....that could have dangerous consequences.

Guess you could say God answered my prayer for mercy....still waiting for the wisdom.

Reason to Celebrate

2009-02-01T21:36:00.008-06:00

All of my Kiddos above, to the left is Dana and Jody going
to the hospital to visit their baby brother.

These two were often side by side, usually with Ross on Jody in some fashion. Then there is the picture of the little girl who fought naps until she couldn't resist anymore.

I think this is one indicating her ability to dress for success.

Twenty-one years ago, while others were talking about whether the Ground Hog saw his shadow or not, we were welcoming a beautiful baby girl into our lives. The years have flown by and the memories are amazing. And you know what? We are so excited about what the years will continue to bring as she follows the path He has laid for her. There will be ups and down, valleys and peaks, but we have full confidence that His hand will ever guide her and His angels will keep watch over her. To our Jody....like a melody....(David Allen Coe song) our love and blessings go out to you on your birthday and each day.
Disclaimer- This is the first time I've uploaded pictures and it didn't arrange well but I know better for the next time I try this if I don't forget.

Happy 21st Birthday, Jody Lynn

Fun With Numbers

2009-01-28T10:46:00.002-06:00

1 + 1 + 1 = ONE
Called the Trinity Formula
Father + Jesus + Holy Spirit = ONE GOD

21
The assigned age that entitles one to buy their own booze.
You can serve in the armed forces and sign a contract at 18.
You can't legally act stupid until 3 years later.

6
As in six straight hours of sleep without awakening nor any movement.
Amazing considering the two naps taken that day.

Almost 10
As in almost 10 hours of being in bed mostly sleeping.
I'd say this body was fighting off something.

50
Fifty days until the first day of spring.

1
One day - this is the one day that I know God has given me.
How I spend it is my choice. And I choose to sit in the sun.
I choose to listen for Him. I choose to trust....to wait & see.

Late Date Night

2009-01-23T14:25:00.002-06:00

Well, maybe it wasn't a late date night. More like a middle of the night date. And when I told my husband about it, he wasn't jealous at all. In fact, he was very supportive of my late night affair. And yes, I did use the word affair. It wasn't in the romantic, passionate sense of affair but it was an affair of the heart. You see, God has this way of waking me up in the middle of the night. For years I told him the same thing I would have told anyone waking me up, "not now - go away." What a blessing it has become to agree to hear Him out when He has something to share with me. And face it, during most of the day, I don't have enough discipline to be quiet to hear Him and as with all of us, there is always an abundance of distractions during our waking hours. So, back to the point of this post - last night's date. Since it was an affair of the heart, the details of the date might not be as interesting to others as it was to me. In fact, to summarize the event would be to say He revealed greater understanding of His truth and I was able to grasp it, put the pieces together, find and study scriptures and could even reiterate it for others. Too often I feel 'dull of mind' in that I can kinda get a grasp on something but am never able to spit it back out for others. I'm a thinking, hoping and praying that the 'dull mind' has been made at least opaque and maybe will even get better - :). Glory, but it was wonderful.
Then the sun rises and the local news team shows up in my neighborhood. How ugly our world can be and how close it is getting to home. A father sexually abused his daughter for the last 6 years, she has birthed 4 babies, two were buried on the property near us, one is dead but location unknown for sure and the other child is in foster care now. How much more of these horrific stories will we see before our Lord returns? Too many for sure. May He equip us to handle these events around us that demonstrate His grace and mercy.

No Museums on Monday

2009-01-20T13:26:00.002-06:00

I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that most museums aren't open on Mondays since they have longer weekend hours to accommodate visitors. Nevertheless I was disappointed yesterday when on his day off my husband suggested going to an art museum and there wasn't one open in the whole metro city area. So we did the next thing we do well anyway and that was go out to eat. Seriously while we are trying to be more aware of what we eat and what we spend eating out, it seems to be our downfall anyway. A good reuben sandwhich makes for a fun outing though.

Praises!! The test results have returned from J's mole removal and they were benign. To understand the significance of this, first: this time I prayed it wouldn't be melanoma and that she will not ever have it again; second: each one of her previous tests (with the exception of the melanoma case) has returned as displatia nevux (sp?) which is abnormal cells with the propensity to become cancerous. So a test result of "benign" is a wonderful sign of His grace and mercy in answering prayers and giving testimony to faith. Now to remember that with the other concerns I'm dialoguing with my Lord about...

So the next major health concern in my family is that of my older brother who is dealing with a re-occurence of lymphoma. It was just decided that he is going to undergo a stem cell transplant in February using his own stem cells. This is pretty intense but it is a process that has been improved and with some excellent results lasting longer term. He was cancer free for six years (time flew by) before it returned but they say it will continue to return on a shortening cycle each time. However, with this treatment, the statistics are showing 85% have not had a reoccurence after 8 years. I must say I admire him for his strength and outlook as he approaches this battle fully ready for victory. There is one important aspect I'm not sure he is taking into battle with him....will continue to pray for the assurance of his life in heaven's eternity.

It is so frustrating when I realize my son is communicating with me (or not communicating with me) much like his dad does with his own mother. Makes me sorry for not working to improve that line of communciation between my mother in-law and my husband. Now I'm getting the same treatment. So, wives, listen up. Encourage your husband to treat his mother like you want your son to treat you some day. Maybe you will have better results than I have at this point. Now I understand that this is partly that process of him outgrowing the need to touch base with the parental units at every turn and for that I will celebrate his independence. But mono syllables and grunting do not make for conversation! :)

Today is a big day in our nation. President Obama, may God work in you and through you as well as the individuals that make up this country. May we show brotherly love to one another that creates a unified front to the world regardless of gender, race or social class. I've always teared up at the words in the song "Let There Be Peace" ....and let it begin with me. If each one embraced that mantra what would our world look like? Oh, time for my melancholy self to move on for now....

Novice Blogger

2009-01-12T14:58:00.000-06:00

After being a lurking blogpost reader, my daughter decided that she would create a blog of my own. I don't have a lot of time but here is a quick insight to an earlier part of my day:

As we pulled on the door to enter the building, the alarms blared obnoxiously loud causing the residents fright and great embarrassment to Martha and myself. Of course, I am reading the sign that tells you about the alarm as I am opening the door. I should have remembered that nursing homes have those alarms. It's probably that I am quite uncomfortable going to hospitals and nursing homes anyway that my brain is disengaged....that is until the alarm system wakes every cell in my body. Well, at this point, we have our foot in the door as they say so onward we go to Annie's room. Annie is a lady in her 40s who has had a life that most of us wouldn't believe if it was made into a movie. She is a recovering heroine addict who found the Lord a few years ago. I must say I have much admiration and respect for the people of the church who adopted and ministered to her over these last years. Sadly, Annie's body has had so much trauma (short list: drugs, beating, shooting, abuse, seizures) that her last surgery has taken a toll leaving her on a ventilator with limited movement. As we visited with her, she seemed to know us and could acknowledge our questions by moving her feet. Now that is an interesting way to have a conversation. Look into someone's eyes as you speak to them then glance down at their feet to watch for a reaction. A new meaning to looking a "person up and down". My hope is that in our visit with Annie, we were able to remind her of a few of the Lord's promises. Her life has been full of broken promises and expectations. As she lies there alone and disabled in body, may her thoughts be on the One who is faithful to His promises. There is always something to learn from each person we meet in life. From Annie I've witnessed a tremendous spirit to survive - even through the most unspeakable horrible events of her life. Right now, and this is probably more honest than I should admit in a first-time blogpost, my desire would be for Annie to embrace her future in eternity with a perfect Father and that she would relinquish the fight to continue surviving in her hurt body. If that is wrong thinking, I'm sorry for it. Yet to imagine her in a new body, in heaven praising her Savior....what a glorious vision.

I love you momma

2009-01-09T11:34:00.000-06:00

Your blog is so bare without a post. So...I'm just gonna post for you until you get that new monitor and blog lady! You can delete this post when you add your own. But now you know what it looks like!

I love you.

Love,
Jody